Survival Mode

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:1-2

Springtime in Middle Tennessee is exactly what it should be: warm afternoons and cool evenings. The first signs of spring here are the cherry blossoms and red buds. The purple pops of color are a welcome arrival and are a sign of new life and new beginnings peeking out from the branches of winter. Along with the beauty of trees blossoming, comes a whole lot of rain! When you are running in the rain, you can't look very far ahead. If you look up, you are pelted with rain drops in your face and depending on how hard it is raining, you can't see too much ahead of you. You have to focus on the road right in front of you.

Last week I was determined to get a run in one morning even though it was raining. It was just a drizzle, but it was cold and kind of miserable. I'm glad I got out and completed my run, but as I was running I couldn't think of much else besides the rain running down my face, that I felt cold, and I was ready to just be finished. I was in survival mode. 

Dreary, rainy run

A few days later I ran the same route on the most gorgeous day with perfectly blue skies and flowers that seemed to be actually popping up as I was running by. I didn't have to look straight down at the road, but lifted my head and looked up at all of the beauty around me.

Red buds under a blue sky

In life, we sometimes need to lift up our eyes and see the beauty around us. It's impossible to do when we are in survival mode. When the rain is falling all around us, we can't see through it, we can't lift our faces against it. We feel hopeless. Mercifully, God brings us out of survival mode so that we can catch a glimpse of the bigger picture. It might be for a moment or it might be longer, but that's when the clouds clear out and new life begins to bloom around us. That's where hope lives.

I could never do that

We hear a common phrase when someone finds out that my husband and I are foster parents:

"I could never do that."

On the first day of training to become a foster parent, they ask you why you want to do it. This is not an easy question for me to answer. I will tell you that I do not want to be a foster parent. I'm doing it for one simple reason, God told me to do it.

You might think that foster parenting is difficult, and you would be right. You might think it will disrupt your life, add a lot of stress, and force you to be around people you would rather avoid. You might think you'll love the kids too much and want to body slam the adults who put them in this mess, you also might worry that you won't love them enough, that they will push you away, scream at you, and it will be hard to show them the love they desperately need. All of the things you think would be difficult are resoundingly correct. It's hard. You also might think you don't have the qualifications that are needed, your life is too hectic right now, or maybe it's calm and you want to keep it that way! You think you could never do it.

Maybe you're right.

Here are the qualifications I have to be a foster parent: 

I'm a living, breathing human being. 

I love Jesus. 

That's it. I can't do it either, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm not special. There is nothing about me that makes me believe I am capable and lots of things about me that make me believe I'm going to mess up. I don't even have the desire to do this. My willingness to do foster care comes from my willingness to follow Christ. Luke recently started saying that we have not been called to "foster success" but to "foster care". We aren't responsible for the success of these children. We can't save them, change them, or make them into something they are not. That is God's responsibility, not ours. We can't do it. We were called to say "yes" and God, in his mercy, has held us, supported us, loved us, strengthened us, and taught us that it is all about him.

God promises us that we can rely on his strength. I've been wondering exactly how this works. How do I tap into that superhuman God-strength and do the things he has asked me to do?

Here's what I know:

1) Sometimes it feels like I can't do it and that's ok. I don't need to feel guilty about how I feel.            "it" might be foster care, my job, going for a run, helping out a friend, being patient when something irritates me, or even just making dinner.

                     But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10  

Since Paul delighted in his weakness, we can be comforted that there isn't anything wrong with being weak. In fact, if we follow Paul's example, we should actually boast about our weaknesses! Paul asked for God to remove the thorn in his flesh, but not only does God seem ok with keeping us in our weakness, he also plans to use us there. 

  2) God will use me when I am tired and weak.  

                     He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31   

There are more ways than I could list that God has shown his power and work in my life. When I think about these moments, there isn't one time that I felt strong, capable, or that everything was going wonderfully. Each of these moments consisted of hardship, brokenness, and difficulty. I desperately needed God to be there, and he showed up in amazing and mighty ways.

3) Whatever it is I don't feel like doing, do it anyway.

                        Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-17

Our foster daughter lived with us for about a year and a half and has now moved on to her next home. There were so many moments that God fought for us and I want to share one of them with you.

Around Easter last year we went to the Good Friday service at our church. It had been a rough week and Luke and I were looking forward to taking the time to remember what Christ has done for us and spend time in worship with our church family. Just before we left for church, an incident came up with our daughter that we had to deal with. It put a damper on the evening but we moved past it and went to church. When we got back to our house that evening, our daughter was still upset about what had happened and began yelling and arguing with us. At one point she told us that she had never known anyone that made her life worse than we made it. That felt really good. *sarcasm* We did our best to remain calm and let her storm off to her room. I checked my phone and saw a text from a friend that said she and her family had "egged" our house. This was a little confusing, but it was Easter after all, and I figured there was more to the story, so I went outside and found this on my door:

Luke asked if we should go get our daughter and have her come search for Easter eggs with us. My response was, "of course not, are you crazy??" Thankfully, he decided to go and knock on her door anyway. She flung open the door and threw herself into his arms crying. I went over and put my arms around them both. She said she was sorry and we talked a little more, and then we went outside and hunted Easter eggs! She had a blast and it brought our family closer together. My friend couldn't have possibly known how God was working through her by hiding some eggs in our yard that evening.

One more thing I want to share. When our daughter came to live with us she had a laundry basket full of clothes, a drawing set, and a small bag. Here are all of her things ready to move out:

The majority of these items are from friends and family who have loved and accepted our daughter as a part of our family and as you can see, have spoiled her a bit! Luke and I are so thankful and blessed for everyone who has supported, listened, and encouraged us through this first placement. We are going to take a short break, but plan to jump back in again. Not because we think we can do it, but because we have seen God hold us up and get us through it. As long as he continues to ask, we will continue to say yes.

My update with running is that right now I feel like I will never be able to run a marathon. I've felt nauseous every morning for about 4 or 5 weeks straight. It's pretty miserable. Dramamine is helping, but some days it doesn't cut it. The results from the GI doctor came back normal, which ruled out anything GI related. He said it is most likely related to the endometriosis and has to do with my hormones. Next step is to go back to my doctor in Atlanta and see what he recommends.

Running at Dunbar and stopping to give Cody a pat:






I don't feel like doing much of anything when I feel nauseous, much less go for a run. I've realized though that I just have to get out there and do it. God put a desire in me to run. He is constantly teaching me lessons through running. The one that speaks the most clearly to me right now is that it doesn't really matter how I feel, sometimes I just have to get out there and do it anyway. No, it doesn't feel great and yes, I've thrown up on the side of the road, but those moments when I run a little farther or a little faster than I did before and when I have accomplished something that I wasn't really sure I could do, that's when my faith is strengthened, when I know God won't let me fail. I'll have difficult days, but if I just get out there and do the thing, God will show me things I never thought were possible.

Has God placed something on your heart or put something in your life that you feel is too much for you? Can I encourage you that it's ok to feel like you can't do it? Take that weakness and let it be a testimony to the unavoidable need we have to depend upon God's strength. Then be willing to move forward and do what he has asked you to do. All he needs is our obedience. He will do the rest.