Marathoner

I want to become a marathoner. I’ve been trying to get back into a regular running routine, and I caught myself looking ahead to the end goal of completing a marathon instead of taking it one step at a time.

Our driveway entrance 

It is exactly one mile from the end of our driveway down to the stop sign at the end of our road. I’ve been (slowly) running that 2 miles and anxiously desiring to run it faster and add on more miles. Some days it feels great to get out there and run and other days I have to talk myself into putting one foot in front of the other.

The other day I was on the way back home on the second mile, and my feet felt SO HEAVY, my body felt SLOW, and I just felt tired and unmotivated. I started feeling discouraged that I’ll never run a marathon. It’s been years since I first started! Things keep getting in the way of training! I can’t even run two miles without getting tired! It’s taking too long to get back in shape!

All of that negative thinking was squashed when I remembered that becoming a marathoner isn’t really about running the marathon. Running 26 miles happens at the end of the journey, after all of the training, all of the slow miles, sore feet and blisters, tired bodies that get out and run anyway, sticking to a schedule when it’s too cold, too hot, or you’re just not feeling it, falling down and getting back up, pushing through discomfort, finding motivation to go a little faster and a little further. A marathoner is great because of the hard times during training, when they wanted to give up but didn’t.

I shouldn’t be discouraged when the second mile is hard. It’s not about how hard it is, it’s about what I decide to do when it’s hard. The second mile is just as important as the 26th mile, because I have to master it before I ever get to mile 26. Every marathoner had to start at the beginning. There was a point when mile 2 was hard and they pushed through and kept going until it was easy.

A selfie with Gideon while out for a run

I’m not a marathoner yet, but I’m going to be. It feels a little silly to tell people I’m training for a marathon when I’m struggling on mile 2, but this is the time I get to find out if I have what it takes to keep going or if I’m going to stop. Spoiler alert: I’m not going to stop. It would be fantastic if I am able to run the marathon this year, but there’s no deadline. It will happen when it happens and I’ll keep slowly trucking along until then.

Here is a link to the first blog post I wrote about the marathon I want to run across three countries.

Home Sick

I often wish I could call up my mom and just chat. She never minded listening to me run through my day. I usually didn’t have anything exciting to share, just the mundane details that helped me sort through problems big and small.

Mom and Dad and I

After she died I spent time in counseling and trudged slowly and painfully through the grief process. Over time it got easier, not because I missed her less but because her memory could bring me more joy than sadness.

I have mourned the loss of my mother, but recently she has been on my mind and I’ve found myself easily in tears. I couldn’t figure out why my grief felt so fresh until I realized each time she came to mind I wished she was here to see something Gideon was doing or to ask for her advice. I was missing her as his grandmother.

Grandmommy with her Jackson Grandkids

As his first birthday was approaching, I wanted to do something to honor her and help feel like part of her was here with us. In our family, we show love to one another by gathering together to eat good food. I could most often find my mom in the kitchen cooking delicious meals from scratch, baking treats, and giving advice (or just listening) to whoever happened to be sitting across the counter from her on one of the kitchen stools. My mom always baked me a lemon meringue pie for special occasions or when I came home to visit. Typically any dessert I consume needs to have chocolate, the more the better, but my favorite pie is my mom’s lemon meringue.

Mom's Lemon Meringue Pie Recipe

I’ve never made it before. On her recipe, my mom wrote,

"This pie was Mama's favorite. She would always tell me Daddy liked it and cherry pie the best. After he died she told me she said he liked it so I would make it. I guess she didn't know I was making it for her too. After she died it was a long time before I could make it even though it is my favorite too. :)"

Lemon meringue is a fairly difficult pie to make. The fear of burnt or soggy meringue held me back from attempting it before. The success of the pie was in direct correlation to showing honor to my mom's memory. I could not screw it up!

Mom's Recipe for the Pie Crust and Meringue

For Gideon's birthday I baked him a small "smash" cake, some cupcakes for the adults to have a taste of his birthday cake, a fudge pie, a chocolate pecan pie, AND mom's lemon meringue pie! It turned out perfectly.

Lemon Meringue Pie

Gideon enjoyed his cake too!

Banana and Applesauce Cake with Sweet Potato Icing

Gideon digs in!

This is a joyous, exciting time in our lives and it doesn't feel right to be so sad in the midst of so much happy. We are incredibly blessed, but grief and loss is still there. Losing a parent is huge. Realizing you've also lost your child's grandparent is an extra gut punch. It's consoling to do little things that honor her memory. With mom, it is so easy because she gave us so much. Gideon learns about Grandmommy everyday as he reads her books, points to her story book animals in his room, looks at her pictures, eats her recipes, and hears stories about her. One of my favorite stories is this:

Mom cutting Queen Anne's Lace on the side of the road

Mom's dad, Morris Hoover, or "Pa" was Canadian. He left Canada and traveled across the U.S. often riding in train cars to get from one point to the next. He made his way down to Florida to a little town called Cedar Key where my Granny, Eudora Boothby, lived. As he was walking down the road he saw Eudora picking flowers (Queen Anne's Lace) on the side of the road and they began talking and that is how they met one another. When Pa died, they put Queen Anne's Lace in his casket with him. My mom loved all kinds of flowers. Her favorites were roses and Queen Anne's Lace. I remember so many times when she would stop on the side of the road, jump out with her scissors and cut a bunch of Queen Anne's Lace. We often had to share the car with flowers and plant cuttings stuck in a cup of water. Mom loved to garden and had varieties of plants from all over where she made cuttings and brought them home. She was a hard worker and a selfless giver, but she enjoyed the love and laughter of family, the creature comforts of yummy food and a good book, and the beauty of God's creation around her.

Monarchs on mom's front porch

One of my favorite quotes of hers, "I always think of butterflies as God's flowers on wings."

I miss you so much mom, but I am so very thankful for all I get to share with my little one because of you.