Home Sick

I often wish I could call up my mom and just chat. She never minded listening to me run through my day. I usually didn’t have anything exciting to share, just the mundane details that helped me sort through problems big and small.

Mom and Dad and I

After she died I spent time in counseling and trudged slowly and painfully through the grief process. Over time it got easier, not because I missed her less but because her memory could bring me more joy than sadness.

I have mourned the loss of my mother, but recently she has been on my mind and I’ve found myself easily in tears. I couldn’t figure out why my grief felt so fresh until I realized each time she came to mind I wished she was here to see something Gideon was doing or to ask for her advice. I was missing her as his grandmother.

Grandmommy with her Jackson Grandkids

As his first birthday was approaching, I wanted to do something to honor her and help feel like part of her was here with us. In our family, we show love to one another by gathering together to eat good food. I could most often find my mom in the kitchen cooking delicious meals from scratch, baking treats, and giving advice (or just listening) to whoever happened to be sitting across the counter from her on one of the kitchen stools. My mom always baked me a lemon meringue pie for special occasions or when I came home to visit. Typically any dessert I consume needs to have chocolate, the more the better, but my favorite pie is my mom’s lemon meringue.

Mom's Lemon Meringue Pie Recipe

I’ve never made it before. On her recipe, my mom wrote,

"This pie was Mama's favorite. She would always tell me Daddy liked it and cherry pie the best. After he died she told me she said he liked it so I would make it. I guess she didn't know I was making it for her too. After she died it was a long time before I could make it even though it is my favorite too. :)"

Lemon meringue is a fairly difficult pie to make. The fear of burnt or soggy meringue held me back from attempting it before. The success of the pie was in direct correlation to showing honor to my mom's memory. I could not screw it up!

Mom's Recipe for the Pie Crust and Meringue

For Gideon's birthday I baked him a small "smash" cake, some cupcakes for the adults to have a taste of his birthday cake, a fudge pie, a chocolate pecan pie, AND mom's lemon meringue pie! It turned out perfectly.

Lemon Meringue Pie

Gideon enjoyed his cake too!

Banana and Applesauce Cake with Sweet Potato Icing

Gideon digs in!

This is a joyous, exciting time in our lives and it doesn't feel right to be so sad in the midst of so much happy. We are incredibly blessed, but grief and loss is still there. Losing a parent is huge. Realizing you've also lost your child's grandparent is an extra gut punch. It's consoling to do little things that honor her memory. With mom, it is so easy because she gave us so much. Gideon learns about Grandmommy everyday as he reads her books, points to her story book animals in his room, looks at her pictures, eats her recipes, and hears stories about her. One of my favorite stories is this:

Mom cutting Queen Anne's Lace on the side of the road

Mom's dad, Morris Hoover, or "Pa" was Canadian. He left Canada and traveled across the U.S. often riding in train cars to get from one point to the next. He made his way down to Florida to a little town called Cedar Key where my Granny, Eudora Boothby, lived. As he was walking down the road he saw Eudora picking flowers (Queen Anne's Lace) on the side of the road and they began talking and that is how they met one another. When Pa died, they put Queen Anne's Lace in his casket with him. My mom loved all kinds of flowers. Her favorites were roses and Queen Anne's Lace. I remember so many times when she would stop on the side of the road, jump out with her scissors and cut a bunch of Queen Anne's Lace. We often had to share the car with flowers and plant cuttings stuck in a cup of water. Mom loved to garden and had varieties of plants from all over where she made cuttings and brought them home. She was a hard worker and a selfless giver, but she enjoyed the love and laughter of family, the creature comforts of yummy food and a good book, and the beauty of God's creation around her.

Monarchs on mom's front porch

One of my favorite quotes of hers, "I always think of butterflies as God's flowers on wings."

I miss you so much mom, but I am so very thankful for all I get to share with my little one because of you.