Home Sick

I often wish I could call up my mom and just chat. She never minded listening to me run through my day. I usually didn’t have anything exciting to share, just the mundane details that helped me sort through problems big and small.

Mom and Dad and I

After she died I spent time in counseling and trudged slowly and painfully through the grief process. Over time it got easier, not because I missed her less but because her memory could bring me more joy than sadness.

I have mourned the loss of my mother, but recently she has been on my mind and I’ve found myself easily in tears. I couldn’t figure out why my grief felt so fresh until I realized each time she came to mind I wished she was here to see something Gideon was doing or to ask for her advice. I was missing her as his grandmother.

Grandmommy with her Jackson Grandkids

As his first birthday was approaching, I wanted to do something to honor her and help feel like part of her was here with us. In our family, we show love to one another by gathering together to eat good food. I could most often find my mom in the kitchen cooking delicious meals from scratch, baking treats, and giving advice (or just listening) to whoever happened to be sitting across the counter from her on one of the kitchen stools. My mom always baked me a lemon meringue pie for special occasions or when I came home to visit. Typically any dessert I consume needs to have chocolate, the more the better, but my favorite pie is my mom’s lemon meringue.

Mom's Lemon Meringue Pie Recipe

I’ve never made it before. On her recipe, my mom wrote,

"This pie was Mama's favorite. She would always tell me Daddy liked it and cherry pie the best. After he died she told me she said he liked it so I would make it. I guess she didn't know I was making it for her too. After she died it was a long time before I could make it even though it is my favorite too. :)"

Lemon meringue is a fairly difficult pie to make. The fear of burnt or soggy meringue held me back from attempting it before. The success of the pie was in direct correlation to showing honor to my mom's memory. I could not screw it up!

Mom's Recipe for the Pie Crust and Meringue

For Gideon's birthday I baked him a small "smash" cake, some cupcakes for the adults to have a taste of his birthday cake, a fudge pie, a chocolate pecan pie, AND mom's lemon meringue pie! It turned out perfectly.

Lemon Meringue Pie

Gideon enjoyed his cake too!

Banana and Applesauce Cake with Sweet Potato Icing

Gideon digs in!

This is a joyous, exciting time in our lives and it doesn't feel right to be so sad in the midst of so much happy. We are incredibly blessed, but grief and loss is still there. Losing a parent is huge. Realizing you've also lost your child's grandparent is an extra gut punch. It's consoling to do little things that honor her memory. With mom, it is so easy because she gave us so much. Gideon learns about Grandmommy everyday as he reads her books, points to her story book animals in his room, looks at her pictures, eats her recipes, and hears stories about her. One of my favorite stories is this:

Mom cutting Queen Anne's Lace on the side of the road

Mom's dad, Morris Hoover, or "Pa" was Canadian. He left Canada and traveled across the U.S. often riding in train cars to get from one point to the next. He made his way down to Florida to a little town called Cedar Key where my Granny, Eudora Boothby, lived. As he was walking down the road he saw Eudora picking flowers (Queen Anne's Lace) on the side of the road and they began talking and that is how they met one another. When Pa died, they put Queen Anne's Lace in his casket with him. My mom loved all kinds of flowers. Her favorites were roses and Queen Anne's Lace. I remember so many times when she would stop on the side of the road, jump out with her scissors and cut a bunch of Queen Anne's Lace. We often had to share the car with flowers and plant cuttings stuck in a cup of water. Mom loved to garden and had varieties of plants from all over where she made cuttings and brought them home. She was a hard worker and a selfless giver, but she enjoyed the love and laughter of family, the creature comforts of yummy food and a good book, and the beauty of God's creation around her.

Monarchs on mom's front porch

One of my favorite quotes of hers, "I always think of butterflies as God's flowers on wings."

I miss you so much mom, but I am so very thankful for all I get to share with my little one because of you.

Moving Down Memory Lane

This week Luke and I brought our daughter down to Valdosta, GA to spend time with my family and celebrate Thanksgiving. It was my mom's favorite holiday and is full of traditions for our family. When you have happy memories to look back on it makes traditions feel important and special. Traditions remind us of those good times together, of family and friends who are no longer with us, and help us feel connected to one another through the special times we have shared. Most of our family traditions involve food. Thanksgiving is an obvious food focused holiday, but we can pretty much make any celebration revolve around food: Chili and guacamole on Super Bowl Sunday, sugar cookies for Christmas, Mexican food for many special occasions, and Krispy Kreme donuts anytime the sign says they're hot! It's a good thing my dad has instilled the tradition of running into our family!

Cooking squash casserole from mom's recipe.

My brother makes whipping up all of our favorite 
Thanksgiving foods look easy!

To work up our appetites we often participate in a Turkey Trot 5K or when we were young we would watch dad run the Atlanta Thanksgiving Half Marathon. This year I wasn't able to run, but Luke joined the Jackson family runners.

Dad, Bryce, Luke, Sydney, Landon, and Parker 2016 Turkey Trot

Dad taught me to run. I started my miles in Clarkston, GA, running through the neighborhood or on the PATH trails in Atlanta. The purpose of those miles culminated in the ultimate annual event of the Peachtree Road Race every July 4th. The Peachtree is one of my favorite family traditions. We watched dad run every year. His first year running it was in 1976. My first year running the Peachtree was in 1994 for the 25th anniversary.

My brother Mark greeting dad at the finish line in 1977.

Ryan, Mollie, and I congratulate dad after he finished the Atlanta Thanksgiving Half Marathon in 1993.

Luke and I celebrate our one month wedding anniversary July 4th 2006.

Showing off our t-shirts after the 2006 Peachtree.

Dad has run countless miles in marathons, 10Ks, and 5Ks. He is still running around Dasher, GA everyday, and after having knee surgery added bicycle riding to his routine. This man is my inspiration and has never made me doubt that I could do anything I put my mind to. I was never a particularly athletic child. I attempted playing various sports, but fell short in my abilities for team sports. Dad never stopped encouraging me to get out and play! I finally found my groove in running and have attempted to follow in dad's footsteps mile after mile. 

Dad at the finish of a triathlon with his best cheerleader.

Joining dad for the BRAG: Bicycle Ride Across Georgia.

Dad took me with him on the final leg of the BRAG: Bicycle Ride Across Georgia in 2003. I never would have thought I could bike 60+ miles in one day, but dad taught me how to ride and motivated me mile after mile to the finish line in St. Marys, GA. In 2012 I was able to join dad for the Atlanta Thanksgiving Half Marathon. No longer just a spectator, I was able to participate in this annual tradition with him.

Atlanta Thanksgiving Half Marathon

Taking Cody for a run in Dasher a few years ago.

Dad walked with me on my first walks after surgery. Hopefully he will join us when we travel to Germany to run my marathon! I'll need my first running partner and coach there to cheer me on. Today he took my brother and Luke out on Luke's first bike ride on the road since his wreck.

First road bike ride since the wreck!

My dad inspires me to keep moving. He taught me the love that is running and the life lessons that go along with it. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I love the quote below that hangs up in my Physical Therapy office.

Keep moving one day at a time, one step at a time.