Making Space for Priorities

Since having kids, I've found it harder to manage my time, often feeling an overwhelming sense of busyness and losing track of my priorities. Something Luke and I have found helpful is to figure out our values and priorities together and be intentional with our time. If we aren't intentional, we will quickly fill our schedule with things that aren't even that important. We end up feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and guilty that we aren't doing other things we know we should be doing. So, on a regular basis we get together to re-assess our time and our activities. There are a few steps to this: 

1. Figure out your values and priorities. (Keep reading for an idea on how to do this!)

2. Figure out an action plan to put those priorities first in your life and in your schedule.

 
3. What do you do if you work full time, have little kids to care for, and really have zero time left for anything else? Keep reading! 

Let's tackle #3 first! If that one resonates with you, then you need to be encouraged first. There are times in our lives when we can do all of the things and there are other times when we have to be ok with letting some things go. 

Let go of the guilt, let go of the pressure, let go of the dream (temporarily), let go of the things that really aren't that important. 

But what about the things that are important? Sometimes we feel like we are only doing things that are important and we are barely keeping our head above water. I can't quit my job, my kids need me, my marriage is struggling, I'm not getting enough sleep, I have to take care of the house and the people in it! I'm not going to be that person that tells you to let go of the laundry and dishes...that's so annoying! You have to dress your kids in something clean at some point and you have to eat everyday, multiple times a day! 

If this is where you are: First, you still should do #1 on the list above and figure out your priorities. This is so important for knowing what to put first and what to let go of. BUT if you are in the #3 category, your action plan will look a little different. 

Basically, your action plan is: do what is in front of you. That's it. Do your job, take care of your kids, focus on the important relationships in your life. I hope for your sake that this is a temporary time for you. I know that some are given more to handle than others, but temporary or not, I have a great book to recommend and a great piece of advice. 

Here is the book: It's called In the Midst of Chaos by: Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore. Here is a description of the book from Amazon:

"In the Midst of Chaos reveals what it takes to find the spiritual wisdom in the messy, familial ways of living. By rethinking parenting as an invitation to discover God in the middle of our busy and overstuffed lives, it relieves parents of the burden of being the all-knowing authority figures who impart spiritual knowledge to children. Finding spirituality in family activities such as reading bedtime stories, dividing household chores, and playing games can empower parents to notice what they are already doing as potentially valuable and to practice it more consciously as part of their own faith journey."

Go grab the Kindle version because goodness knows you don't have time to sit down and read a book, but you can pull up Kindle on your phone when you are in line waiting or have some small moment of downtime. I love e-books because I can get them from our library and read them when I'm putting my boys to bed or have a few minutes waiting out in the world.

This book really encouraged me to stop worrying about what my Bible study and prayer time looks like. At this time in my life it doesn't look like long, in-depth studies or quiet time away from my kids. It does look like reading one short Bible chapter on my phone when I first wake up in the morning and praying with my kids throughout the day. It has also changed my perspective on worship and I try to be intentional about demonstrating worship with my kids throughout our day. The key to this is being intentional, but we can sing, dance, pray, and just talk about God anywhere we are and in whatever we are currently doing.

Here is the advice: In Michelle Obama's book, Becoming, (which I read on Kindle), she talks about when her children were little, she began to feel resentful of her husband for working out or doing something for himself, while she felt like she was taking care of the kids, house, everyone, and didn't have time to do those things for herself. She realized that feeling resentful wasn't helping her at all and certainly wasn't helping her relationship with her husband, so she decided if something was important for her, she had to figure out a way to make it happen. I think this is great advice. When it comes to working out some ideas might include: joining a gym with childcare, taking your kids with you (bike trailers or double strollers are a great workout!), go for a run while your spouse is still home in the morning (and it's cooler outside!), take advantage of quick YouTube videos online (they are free and your kids will see you setting a great example for them-although they might crawl all over/under you and that can be super annoying...I mean, adorable...). It comes down to making it a priority and making it happen for yourself. 

So, Step 1: how do you figure out your priorities? 

Pray about this before you get started. Ask God to bring to mind activities that are important and where he wants you to spend your time. How you spend your time says a lot about your values. Are there specific values you have as a family? 

Here's an exercise you can try: Get a piece of paper and divide it up into different categories that represent how you spend (or want to spend) your time. Ideas could be: Spiritual, Community, Friends, Family, Exercise, Food, Health, Marriage, Kid's Activities, Hobbies, Fun, Travel, Volunteering, Giving, Work

Here is an example with priorities from mine: 

Under each category, write in things that are important to you. Include anything and everything! On mine I put everything from praying over my kids at bedtime to finding time to take a shower! I put a lot more under each category on mine but wanted to give some ideas in the example above. Include things that are important to your whole family. Include things that you have to do (like grocery shopping) because it needs to be on your schedule even if it isn't the most enjoyable activity. Include things you WANT to do but aren't doing yet. 

Step 2, flip the paper over and write out your week. Grab a pencil for this so you can erase some things! Write in the activities you HAVE to do each day. Then write in everything else you do each day. Be specific. Look at your priority list and check off anything that you already have on your schedule. Look back at your schedule and take a good look at any of things on there that aren't on your priority list. Do they need to be on your schedule? Can you let them go? What is your motivation behind some of the things on your calendar? If it isn't a priority and isn't something you have to do (like go to work) ERASE IT! What about things that are GOOD things like volunteer work or a Bible study, or an activity your child is involved with? Check your priority list! Did you write down a specific place you want to do volunteer work? Then, it's probably a priority and you should keep it. If you didn't? ERASE IT! Stop letting guilt, pressure, or any other motivation run your schedule and keep you busy. 

When something comes up that you have an opportunity to participate in, pull out your list and pray over it. Does it match up with your priorities or do you need to pass? 

One of our priorities has been trying to find ways to build friendships and community. Honestly, it's been a struggle. I think it's hard for adults to build friendships. We are all too busy and if we aren't being intentional about building relationships with others, it just isn't going to happen. Something we have started doing is inviting people over on Sunday evenings for "BYOD" - Bring Your Own Dinner. If the weather cooperates we eat outside on picnic tables and the kids all play in the sandbox and ride bikes. I don't clean my house and I only make dinner for my own family (which I was going to do anyway). We don't meet every week and people can come when they are able. It's been a way for us to take the priority we have of building community and make it happen as best we can. Low commitment and very little prep make it pretty stress-free.

One last thing, since this is a blog about running a marathon. How is that going??? For about a year I've stuck to a pretty consistent schedule of running each week. I'm working on adding more time for stretching and core workouts. The past month or so has been less consistent because it's been miserably hot, but also I've been exhausted because life is throwing some junk at us right now. It doesn't change my priorities, but sometimes we just have to be patient and ok with stepping back and focusing on what is in front of us. I think what I've learned from all of these steps backward is to keep moving my feet forwards. In other words, just because I missed a run or two, I'm still going to get out and run the next time I am able. As long as it is a priority for me, I'll keep looking for ways to get it done.

I did accomplish a pretty huge goal this summer so I'll leave you with some pictures from a sprint triathlon I did in Nashville. It was a lot of fun, but I'm not eager to do another one! I did discover that I enjoy swimming. I've always enjoyed running and riding my bike, but all together? No thanks...

So much stuff to bring!

Transition by the Parthenon made a fantastic view 

I did it!

And I got the t-shirt!