Obedience

I went for a run last week! Actually, I ran down my driveway and around my yard in an effort to get two little four year old twin girls to chase me and wear them out. It worked pretty well. 

Running around the yard

 

Going for a walk

Granted this wasn't a "real" run, but I've been given the all clear to resume normal activities! The pregnancy complication has cleared and I won't have to schedule a C-section. Baby Boy Baine can arrive whenever he is good and ready. This is such an answered prayer!!

It felt great to run, even just slowly around the yard. Those little girls had us moving non-stop for a couple of weeks. We had them stay with us as a respite for another foster family. There are seven siblings in their family: a one year old, two year old, three year old, 2 four year olds (the twins), a five year old, and a thirteen year old. The foster family we did respite for has four of the girls in their home. I feel exhausted just thinking about their life, and watching just two of the girls completely wore me out! They went back "home" yesterday and I'm sitting here this morning with a nasty cold and wanting to sleep for the next week. At this point in pregnancy sleep is pretty hard to come by. I wake up all through the night because my back hurts, or I need to use the bathroom, or my arm is numb from laying on my side. Rolling over to my other side is a monumental event where I look like a turtle that rolled over on his back and just has to rock back and forth helplessly. When I finally make it to my other side, and adjust the dozens of pillows surrounding me, my body then decides I need to get up and use the restroom again. Pregnancy: the most exciting and uncomfortable time of your life!

When Youth Villages asked us if we would watch the girls, my initial thought was, "No way!" I didn't think it would be physically possible for me. I feel out of breath just bending down to pick up something off the floor. We would be crazy to take on a couple of wild, never-ending energy preschoolers. We decided to pray about it and see what God had to say about the matter.

God gave both Luke and I abundantly clear instructions that we should watch the girls.  I promise you that at no point in this situation did I feel this was a feasible task. I never felt capable, never felt that I had "enough", never felt certain. I did feel very tired. I cried a couple of times. I asked Luke for A LOT of help. I asked others for help. I rejoiced when I dropped them off at school. I tried to take a nap when they took theirs. I felt resentful when I caught a cold. I felt frustrated when they threw temper tantrums. I felt sad when I saw how far behind they are developmentally.

I also promise you that I understand that this minor, insignificant, short period of time in no way compares to the stresses of life that others deal with 24/7. I'm under no illusion of how incredibly blessed I am. I do believe however that these two weeks have taught me an important lesson in obedience.

God sometimes asks us to do things that seem completely unreasonable.

He isn't interested in our ability to handle it.

He wants us to lay down our lives for him, and sometimes that physically hurts.

I had to continually remind myself that God would not ask me to do something without giving me the tools I needed to get the job done. If I relied on him, he would show up and help me make it through.

God showed up in giving us breaks through school, nap times, and babysitters. He showed us how to work together when Luke had to work or when I needed to rest. He showed us how to power through when we just had to get it done. He showed us how much love we could give these girls in such a short time through hugs and kisses, singing songs, snuggling on the couch, tickles, laughter, and having fun together. They needed so much, and God came through every time.

Having fun!

If you can't adopt...

We had the opportunity to care for a four month old a couple of times in the past month to help out another foster family. Luke and I had a blast and were exhausted looking after this precious little one! We got in some practice in being a tag team: preparing bottles, changing diapers, and rocking him to sleep. For now, this is how we hope to help out as foster care parents.

He loves to snuggle!

Going for a walk

It isn't easy to find babysitters as a foster parent. Youth Villages requires background checks and an application packet to become an approved respite provider. If you want the child to come to your home, you also have to do a complete home walk-through and comply with the same rules as foster parents. It's a pretty extensive process. Some children, like the little one we recently watched, require medically fragile training due to their medical needs. Basically, as a foster parent you can't just ask the same people to watch your foster children as you would your own children, even if it's close friends or family, they all have to be approved to provide respite care.

There is a great need for foster families in Middle Tennessee. We were recently told that there were more than 20 children spending the night at the DCS offices in Nashville while they search for families to provide a home for them.

Maybe you can't adopt or foster a child right now, but there are so many ways to be involved. One way is to look into becoming a respite provider for foster families. You can become a support person for an individual family or you can contact DCS or a foster care agency like Youth Villages and go through the training.

Jason Johnson has an excellent blog post on ways to become involved and serve foster care families.
Some ideas include providing services to families such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, or bringing a meal. I can attest that having meals provided for us was such a blessing! It was one less thing to worry about at the end of the day.

He also talks about babysitting and providing care packages for service agencies. Youth Villages has multiple opportunities throughout the year to provide items for children in foster care. One of them is Backpack Heroes (going on right now!) and Holiday Heroes at the beginning of December. Be sure and check them out!

I could never do that

We hear a common phrase when someone finds out that my husband and I are foster parents:

"I could never do that."

On the first day of training to become a foster parent, they ask you why you want to do it. This is not an easy question for me to answer. I will tell you that I do not want to be a foster parent. I'm doing it for one simple reason, God told me to do it.

You might think that foster parenting is difficult, and you would be right. You might think it will disrupt your life, add a lot of stress, and force you to be around people you would rather avoid. You might think you'll love the kids too much and want to body slam the adults who put them in this mess, you also might worry that you won't love them enough, that they will push you away, scream at you, and it will be hard to show them the love they desperately need. All of the things you think would be difficult are resoundingly correct. It's hard. You also might think you don't have the qualifications that are needed, your life is too hectic right now, or maybe it's calm and you want to keep it that way! You think you could never do it.

Maybe you're right.

Here are the qualifications I have to be a foster parent: 

I'm a living, breathing human being. 

I love Jesus. 

That's it. I can't do it either, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm not special. There is nothing about me that makes me believe I am capable and lots of things about me that make me believe I'm going to mess up. I don't even have the desire to do this. My willingness to do foster care comes from my willingness to follow Christ. Luke recently started saying that we have not been called to "foster success" but to "foster care". We aren't responsible for the success of these children. We can't save them, change them, or make them into something they are not. That is God's responsibility, not ours. We can't do it. We were called to say "yes" and God, in his mercy, has held us, supported us, loved us, strengthened us, and taught us that it is all about him.

God promises us that we can rely on his strength. I've been wondering exactly how this works. How do I tap into that superhuman God-strength and do the things he has asked me to do?

Here's what I know:

1) Sometimes it feels like I can't do it and that's ok. I don't need to feel guilty about how I feel.            "it" might be foster care, my job, going for a run, helping out a friend, being patient when something irritates me, or even just making dinner.

                     But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10  

Since Paul delighted in his weakness, we can be comforted that there isn't anything wrong with being weak. In fact, if we follow Paul's example, we should actually boast about our weaknesses! Paul asked for God to remove the thorn in his flesh, but not only does God seem ok with keeping us in our weakness, he also plans to use us there. 

  2) God will use me when I am tired and weak.  

                     He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31   

There are more ways than I could list that God has shown his power and work in my life. When I think about these moments, there isn't one time that I felt strong, capable, or that everything was going wonderfully. Each of these moments consisted of hardship, brokenness, and difficulty. I desperately needed God to be there, and he showed up in amazing and mighty ways.

3) Whatever it is I don't feel like doing, do it anyway.

                        Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-17

Our foster daughter lived with us for about a year and a half and has now moved on to her next home. There were so many moments that God fought for us and I want to share one of them with you.

Around Easter last year we went to the Good Friday service at our church. It had been a rough week and Luke and I were looking forward to taking the time to remember what Christ has done for us and spend time in worship with our church family. Just before we left for church, an incident came up with our daughter that we had to deal with. It put a damper on the evening but we moved past it and went to church. When we got back to our house that evening, our daughter was still upset about what had happened and began yelling and arguing with us. At one point she told us that she had never known anyone that made her life worse than we made it. That felt really good. *sarcasm* We did our best to remain calm and let her storm off to her room. I checked my phone and saw a text from a friend that said she and her family had "egged" our house. This was a little confusing, but it was Easter after all, and I figured there was more to the story, so I went outside and found this on my door:

Luke asked if we should go get our daughter and have her come search for Easter eggs with us. My response was, "of course not, are you crazy??" Thankfully, he decided to go and knock on her door anyway. She flung open the door and threw herself into his arms crying. I went over and put my arms around them both. She said she was sorry and we talked a little more, and then we went outside and hunted Easter eggs! She had a blast and it brought our family closer together. My friend couldn't have possibly known how God was working through her by hiding some eggs in our yard that evening.

One more thing I want to share. When our daughter came to live with us she had a laundry basket full of clothes, a drawing set, and a small bag. Here are all of her things ready to move out:

The majority of these items are from friends and family who have loved and accepted our daughter as a part of our family and as you can see, have spoiled her a bit! Luke and I are so thankful and blessed for everyone who has supported, listened, and encouraged us through this first placement. We are going to take a short break, but plan to jump back in again. Not because we think we can do it, but because we have seen God hold us up and get us through it. As long as he continues to ask, we will continue to say yes.

My update with running is that right now I feel like I will never be able to run a marathon. I've felt nauseous every morning for about 4 or 5 weeks straight. It's pretty miserable. Dramamine is helping, but some days it doesn't cut it. The results from the GI doctor came back normal, which ruled out anything GI related. He said it is most likely related to the endometriosis and has to do with my hormones. Next step is to go back to my doctor in Atlanta and see what he recommends.

Running at Dunbar and stopping to give Cody a pat:






I don't feel like doing much of anything when I feel nauseous, much less go for a run. I've realized though that I just have to get out there and do it. God put a desire in me to run. He is constantly teaching me lessons through running. The one that speaks the most clearly to me right now is that it doesn't really matter how I feel, sometimes I just have to get out there and do it anyway. No, it doesn't feel great and yes, I've thrown up on the side of the road, but those moments when I run a little farther or a little faster than I did before and when I have accomplished something that I wasn't really sure I could do, that's when my faith is strengthened, when I know God won't let me fail. I'll have difficult days, but if I just get out there and do the thing, God will show me things I never thought were possible.

Has God placed something on your heart or put something in your life that you feel is too much for you? Can I encourage you that it's ok to feel like you can't do it? Take that weakness and let it be a testimony to the unavoidable need we have to depend upon God's strength. Then be willing to move forward and do what he has asked you to do. All he needs is our obedience. He will do the rest.   

Blessings through Infertility

Percy Warner Park

What are you passionate about? The photo to the left encapsulates several of my passions: my awesome husband, exploring new places, being outside in nature, running and hiking.

Over the past few years, I've felt my passion for running, traveling, singing, doing my job, and living life to the fullest slipping away.

My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2013. I questioned God's kindness and became very depressed. I believed in God and believed that he loved me enough to save my soul, but I didn't think God could possibly be interested in the details of my life. Those details might be a huge deal to me, but God had infinitely larger and more important things to concern himself with. Who am I that he would look upon my life? Why should he interfere or care? He is God. He is all knowing. He is all powerful, and He owes me nothing.

My beautiful mom with my brothers and I

I've never felt a strong desire to have children. I thought maybe God left the mom gene out of me. Luke and I have said many times that God may not want us to have children. There are all kinds of things God may have in store for us that would be easier to do without kids. Three years ago I spent quite a bit of time in prayer and searching about whether God wanted us to have kids. We felt God leading in two ways: 1) he wanted us to do foster care. 2) he wanted us to try to have children. So, in our own wisdom (ha!) Luke and I decided it really made the most sense to try to have our own children first, and then we would do foster care at some point in the future. Two years later it was pretty clear we weren't going to have biological children and fortunately we came to our senses and became obedient in becoming foster parents.

I struggled with God to make sense of why he would lead me in the direction of trying to have children and then break my heart when it didn't happen. I felt a very clear word from him that he wanted us to conceive. Did I make a mistake in hearing from him? Why would I go from not even having that desire, to crying every month when it didn't happen? I couldn't make sense of it. Was he just mean?

Through the disappointment of my circumstances God has been teaching me that he is in charge and I'm not always going to understand why specific things happen or the timing of certain events. Lauren Daigle sings this idea beautifully in her song, Trust in You. God sees the bigger picture and there is a reason he doesn't move every mountain out of our way. God has asked me to die to myself and I am challenged by the first words of the song, "Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at your feet." Click here to listen. This was an important lesson to learn, and this song reminded me to trust in God.
But it wasn't the whole picture.

God didn't just want me to trust him because He is God, he also wanted me to know that he loves me. I mean, really loves and cares for me. He has completely baffled me. He took me on a journey through trying to have children and taught me that he cares very much about the details of my life. He cares about my health, my body, my dreams, my thoughts. I'm immediately humbled to think that I even doubted.

Riley and Olive enjoy the ocean

After my surgery in August, I was in Pawley's Island listening to the waves crash. I was happy to be recovering from surgery (especially at the beach) but I was still in pain and wrestling with God. When I went off birth control pills a desire to get pregnant began to grow in me. I just assumed it would happen immediately. I began making plans. Looking back those plans make me feel like an idiot and are another reminder to give up control. Not because I am forced to turn over control to God, but because he is worth trusting with my entire life, every single detail.

If God had not sparked in me that desire of getting pregnant, I would have stayed on birth control pills and had endometriosis building up inside me without even feeling it. It would have caused much more harm over time and I wouldn't have known it was there. It took going off the pills and then feeling all the pain that came with it, to find out there was something really wrong. Feeling that pain led me to get the help I needed, and for that, I am so thankful.

I now see how absolutely loving God is to care enough about my physical body, to lead me down this road so I could get help. It actually amazes me. God has strange ways, but he is so loving towards us. It is so shameful that we doubt him and think he is mean or doesn't care. Hopefully this will stick with me and I won't easily forget, that in those moments when I have no idea what he is doing, he is loving me and I can trust him.

Why does God care that I love to run? Why does he care about my job? Why does he care about me singing? Zephaniah 3:17 speaks of God's love towards us. A mighty warrior who takes great delight in us. He cares about these things because he loves us. 

Zephaniah 3:17

Running back and forth to Nashville

Taken from Results Physiotherapy website: The girl in the picture looks like she just finished a run! :)

I started Physical Therapy three weeks ago at Results Physiotherapy in Nashville. They have a pelvic health specialty clinic there, and while I'm truly thankful it is nearby, running back and forth to Nashville three times a week is not the kind of running I would like to be doing!

My very awesome physical therapist, Beth, is not allowing me to run at this point. I still say she is awesome because the woman is working magic in helping me. I confess that I really enjoy physical therapy. It is worth the 53 minute drive. My main issue is that most of my muscles are very tense and tight from the trauma of surgery. This means that the majority of my PT consists of massage, stretches, applying heat and some kind of awesome electric "Stim" pulses on my ab and back muscles, and basically learning to relax and take deep breaths. Sounds awful, huh?   

Yesterday, Beth told me I can finally start doing yoga again! I can do "restorative" yoga twice a week. Here is my go-to yoga gal: 

 

Yoga with Adriene Adriene doesn't take herself too seriously. She knows what she's doing and keeps things fun. Plus she's from Austin, so she's weird and awesome. She has great instructional videos for individual poses, plus different challenges, such as 30 days of yoga. If you are looking for something specific, she probably has a video for it. Go to her YouTube site at the link above and search for any topic you're looking for: back pain, for bedtime, for runners, relaxation, stress relief, tired legs, morning sequence, strength and focus, the list goes on...
 

Lots of walks with this guy

Right now the exercises I'm doing are nice and easy. I'm going on walks, which makes Cody very happy, but I'm not doing anything too strenuous. The goal is to reduce pain. I've been thinking about our bodies natural reaction to avoid pain. It is probably what keeps many people from sticking with exercise programs. Exercise is difficult, sometimes it hurts, and we have to push ourselves through feelings that we don't really enjoy. I'm a strong believer in finding exercise that you love and enjoy, but any time you are working your muscles, there is going to be some level of discomfort involved. Your muscles are basically being injured while you exercise, they are ripping apart and then, when you rest, are being built back together, to become even stronger. 



The same thing happens when we encounter a difficult situation in life. We do our best to avoid the discomfort. For me, I avoid things that I am afraid will be too much responsibility. I think it is a natural thing to do, but it isn't what God tells us to do as Christians. He often asks us to go into situations outside of our comfort zone. 

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands." 2 John 1:6

When Luke and I were considering becoming foster parents we experienced this natural inclination in our human nature of self preservation. We weren't sure what we were getting into and we knew it wouldn't be easy. We avoided it and made excuses, but eventually we were convicted to be obedient to what God was asking when we heard a sermon by Josh Phillips, our pastor at Community Life Church. The message in this particular sermon was to Be Faithful, Not Fearful. 

During our foster parent training we learned that 1 in 4 girls have been sexually abused. Not 1 in 4 girls in foster care, but 1 in 4 girls, period. Many children in foster care have experienced some kind of abuse, have emotional disturbances, behavioral difficulties, and have been in the juvenile justice system. The more we learned, the more there was to fear. 

The encouragement to Be Faithful, Not Fearful, stuck with us. At a similar time we also read a blog post by Jason Johnson. There was a kid out there living in hell and we could be a safe place for them. The cost to them if we chose not to do foster care, far outweighed what it would cost us to take them in. It put our fear, inconvenience, and selfishness into perspective. 

Maybe there is something you know God is asking of you, and it scares you, or just makes you feel uncomfortable. Our human nature will try to persuade us to stay on the easy path, but let me encourage you (and myself) that putting ourselves out there in those uncomfortable situations will bless us far more than staying where things are nice and easy.

"We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Just as our muscles are strengthened and built through physical exercise, God molds us, refines us, toughens us, and makes us into new creatures through our obedience to him. It's worth the struggle. 

What is God asking of you that makes you uncomfortable or fearful? 

Hold onto his promises and step out in obedience.