One BIG change though many SMALL steps

I have plenty of goals aimed at becoming healthier:

• I want to eat better and exercise more.
• I want to cut out highly processed foods and eat only "real" food.
• I want to run a marathon.
• I want to become stronger and more flexible.
• I don't want to feel like I'm going to die when I do certain workout videos.
• I want to be able to do even one push-up.
• I want to run a mile in 7 minutes. 

That's a pretty long list, so where do I start? 

Poster at Results Physiotherapy

I propose a new way of thinking about making a BIG change stick. Break that BIG change up into many SMALL changes and conquer each step, one at a time. 

One BIG change through many SMALL steps. 

What does that look like?  For my goal of cutting out highly processed foods, it meant choosing one action to take. Just one.  

It is overwhelming at the starting line of a new routine. It's tempting to try to do it all at once. Just throw all the "bad" food away and only eat the "good" food. This is easier said than done. I had a hard time figuring out what in the world I was going to eat! 

To begin, I simply bought more fruits and vegetables. I didn't worry about the processed food I was already eating, but bought, cooked, and ate lots of veggies. The main way this was achieved was by joining a local CSA. Luke and I picked up a box a organic produce from a local farm each week. Often it contained vegetables I had never eaten or even heard of including all different kinds of squash like acorn, delicata and butternut, and lots of different greens like swiss chard, bok choy, and kale. Here's a link to the CSA in case you live in Middle Tennessee and want to join.

Eating lots of veggies is a good start, but I was still eating a lot of food that is highly processed. That meant I needed to take one more small step.

I began taking one food out of my cabinet and either stopped buying it completely, or found a replacement that was less processed. For example, I stopped buying cream of chicken soup and learned to make it from scratch. It's also cheaper. 

I didn't add the next step until I felt comfortable with the last one and little by little I've changed my diet to eat less highly processed foods and more simple, real food. Lisa Leake's blog at 100 days of real food was very helpful in defining real food and why I should eat it.


Adding one small step at a time applies to my goals for exercise as well. I created a segment on Strava called the "Kimbrough Mile" to keep track of how fast I can run a mile. At this point I'm running as much as I can, but 1/2 mile has been my starting place and I'm adding a little bit more each day.

Strava run through the hood

Especially after surgery the concept of one small step at a time has been important for me. My body needs me to take it easy and my desire to do more can cause me to push myself a little farther than I should. I have been feeling a TON better after my surgery. The biggest improvement has been a huge decrease in pain. Unfortunately, the nausea continues. Most days I wake up and feel incredibly nauseous. I don't usually throw up, only when it is very bad. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to throw up any moment and I stick close to home, other times I know I won't throw up, but I just feel queasy. I'm still going for a run and if I have to stop and throw up, so be it.

Luke actually took a picture of this pit stop on a run at the Greenway!

Luke and I also went on a bike ride together, which was a blast despite the fact that I ended up in a lot of pain. I think being hunched over irritated my abdomen, so I may have to take it easy on the bike riding. After our ride we headed over to Dunbar Cave and tried out our new trail running shoes. Running through the woods just might be my favorite thing ever. I think Cody loves it too, which made me wonder, has Cody developed a personality more like Luke and I the longer he has lived with us? All three of us are happy running (or biking: Luke) around outside and then crashing on the couch with a blanket and some yummy food. Luke says it's just that he and I have a personality like a dog. I think I'm ok with that! ;) 

Dunbar Cave trail run with Cody

Time for a nap!

What is one SMALL step you could begin to take each day towards a goal you have? Maybe you could begin to do a plank every day. Give yourself permission to only add that one thing. That's it. Eventually, it will become part of your routine and you can add something else. It might take a little longer to get started, but you will be less likely to give up after a couple of months because you're overwhelmed. That kind of change will last because you've created a lifestyle. Let me know in the comments what your first small step will be. 

Blessings through Infertility

Percy Warner Park

What are you passionate about? The photo to the left encapsulates several of my passions: my awesome husband, exploring new places, being outside in nature, running and hiking.

Over the past few years, I've felt my passion for running, traveling, singing, doing my job, and living life to the fullest slipping away.

My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2013. I questioned God's kindness and became very depressed. I believed in God and believed that he loved me enough to save my soul, but I didn't think God could possibly be interested in the details of my life. Those details might be a huge deal to me, but God had infinitely larger and more important things to concern himself with. Who am I that he would look upon my life? Why should he interfere or care? He is God. He is all knowing. He is all powerful, and He owes me nothing.

My beautiful mom with my brothers and I

I've never felt a strong desire to have children. I thought maybe God left the mom gene out of me. Luke and I have said many times that God may not want us to have children. There are all kinds of things God may have in store for us that would be easier to do without kids. Three years ago I spent quite a bit of time in prayer and searching about whether God wanted us to have kids. We felt God leading in two ways: 1) he wanted us to do foster care. 2) he wanted us to try to have children. So, in our own wisdom (ha!) Luke and I decided it really made the most sense to try to have our own children first, and then we would do foster care at some point in the future. Two years later it was pretty clear we weren't going to have biological children and fortunately we came to our senses and became obedient in becoming foster parents.

I struggled with God to make sense of why he would lead me in the direction of trying to have children and then break my heart when it didn't happen. I felt a very clear word from him that he wanted us to conceive. Did I make a mistake in hearing from him? Why would I go from not even having that desire, to crying every month when it didn't happen? I couldn't make sense of it. Was he just mean?

Through the disappointment of my circumstances God has been teaching me that he is in charge and I'm not always going to understand why specific things happen or the timing of certain events. Lauren Daigle sings this idea beautifully in her song, Trust in You. God sees the bigger picture and there is a reason he doesn't move every mountain out of our way. God has asked me to die to myself and I am challenged by the first words of the song, "Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at your feet." Click here to listen. This was an important lesson to learn, and this song reminded me to trust in God.
But it wasn't the whole picture.

God didn't just want me to trust him because He is God, he also wanted me to know that he loves me. I mean, really loves and cares for me. He has completely baffled me. He took me on a journey through trying to have children and taught me that he cares very much about the details of my life. He cares about my health, my body, my dreams, my thoughts. I'm immediately humbled to think that I even doubted.

Riley and Olive enjoy the ocean

After my surgery in August, I was in Pawley's Island listening to the waves crash. I was happy to be recovering from surgery (especially at the beach) but I was still in pain and wrestling with God. When I went off birth control pills a desire to get pregnant began to grow in me. I just assumed it would happen immediately. I began making plans. Looking back those plans make me feel like an idiot and are another reminder to give up control. Not because I am forced to turn over control to God, but because he is worth trusting with my entire life, every single detail.

If God had not sparked in me that desire of getting pregnant, I would have stayed on birth control pills and had endometriosis building up inside me without even feeling it. It would have caused much more harm over time and I wouldn't have known it was there. It took going off the pills and then feeling all the pain that came with it, to find out there was something really wrong. Feeling that pain led me to get the help I needed, and for that, I am so thankful.

I now see how absolutely loving God is to care enough about my physical body, to lead me down this road so I could get help. It actually amazes me. God has strange ways, but he is so loving towards us. It is so shameful that we doubt him and think he is mean or doesn't care. Hopefully this will stick with me and I won't easily forget, that in those moments when I have no idea what he is doing, he is loving me and I can trust him.

Why does God care that I love to run? Why does he care about my job? Why does he care about me singing? Zephaniah 3:17 speaks of God's love towards us. A mighty warrior who takes great delight in us. He cares about these things because he loves us. 

Zephaniah 3:17

Running to Escape

Cody escaped from the house and joined me on a pre-surgery run.

The word escape brings an image to my mind of a prisoner breaking free or running away from someone holding you captive. I suppose escape could bring about nice images like a vacation on the beach, but when I think of escape I'm more focused on what I'm trying to get away from than where I'm going to go. 

What am I trying to get away from? This feeling of needing to escape wells up inside of me. Sometimes it comes on urgently and it breaks me down to a sense of hopelessness. Other times it is very gradual and is a slow feeling of restlessness, a growing need to get the heck out of here.

I don't think I'm alone in this. How many of us read Eat, Pray, Love or Wild and immediately started planning (in our daydreams) an adventure of our own, an escape from reality and responsibility? A pursuit of finding ourselves and indulging our selfish nature.

 
I think the reason I don't picture the end destination when I think of escape is because it's an illusion. A week on the beach is nice, but temporary. Even a soul searching journey, while I'm sure would be a great adventure, wouldn't really get me anywhere substantial. I want something that can't be achieved on this earth. I see a shadow of it in treasured moments with my family and friends, finding beauty in exploring nature, laughing at a funny book or movie, or yes, enjoying a really great vacation. I can soak those moments in and try to create as many of them as possible, but it's fleeting. 

Enjoying a really great vacation with Dad and Luke in Maine.

When that itch to escape comes on I could try to take control of the situation and start making plans to get out of my discomfort, but most likely I need to turn my back on that feeling and embrace the reality of my circumstances. This is where you suck it up and keep moving forward, where you "hit the wall" and push through it. 

As runners, we train our bodies to endure these moments. We learn to recognize the difference between hitting our limit and stopping before we injure ourselves, and hitting that metaphorical wall that causes our mind to think we've had enough when really we need to dig down deep and just keep moving.

Let me introduce you to Pop Pilates with Cassey Ho. The YouTube video below actually made me cry the first few times I did it. Cassey will make you feel the burn, and sometimes that is just what our bodies need. The move that she does in this video is called "prisoner position". No wonder I wanted to escape from it immediately. There are workout videos I've disliked and never returned to, but I knew this one was good for me. I kept at it until I could actually complete the whole video without putting my leg down (or crying). :)

Too much?? Cassey does have beginner workouts, so don't be intimidated. I'll warn you that when I first watched her I was pretty annoyed by her insane perkiness, but it's all for a purpose to distract you from what is happening to your muscles! She will make it worth your time and most videos are short 10-20 minutes. Pop Pilates for beginners is a great place to start: 

Right now I am still not allowed to run or do any hard core workouts. I'm walking, doing yoga, and stretching! I can taste it though, just around the corner...I think I'll be running soon. My body is ready to be pushed. It is restless and longing to hit the pavement. For my mind, running provides a temporary escape from the stress of life. For my body, it reminds me that escape isn't necessary. That I can endure some pain and discomfort, I can persist through it, and come out a little bit stronger on the other side.

Running back and forth to Nashville

Taken from Results Physiotherapy website: The girl in the picture looks like she just finished a run! :)

I started Physical Therapy three weeks ago at Results Physiotherapy in Nashville. They have a pelvic health specialty clinic there, and while I'm truly thankful it is nearby, running back and forth to Nashville three times a week is not the kind of running I would like to be doing!

My very awesome physical therapist, Beth, is not allowing me to run at this point. I still say she is awesome because the woman is working magic in helping me. I confess that I really enjoy physical therapy. It is worth the 53 minute drive. My main issue is that most of my muscles are very tense and tight from the trauma of surgery. This means that the majority of my PT consists of massage, stretches, applying heat and some kind of awesome electric "Stim" pulses on my ab and back muscles, and basically learning to relax and take deep breaths. Sounds awful, huh?   

Yesterday, Beth told me I can finally start doing yoga again! I can do "restorative" yoga twice a week. Here is my go-to yoga gal: 

 

Yoga with Adriene Adriene doesn't take herself too seriously. She knows what she's doing and keeps things fun. Plus she's from Austin, so she's weird and awesome. She has great instructional videos for individual poses, plus different challenges, such as 30 days of yoga. If you are looking for something specific, she probably has a video for it. Go to her YouTube site at the link above and search for any topic you're looking for: back pain, for bedtime, for runners, relaxation, stress relief, tired legs, morning sequence, strength and focus, the list goes on...
 

Lots of walks with this guy

Right now the exercises I'm doing are nice and easy. I'm going on walks, which makes Cody very happy, but I'm not doing anything too strenuous. The goal is to reduce pain. I've been thinking about our bodies natural reaction to avoid pain. It is probably what keeps many people from sticking with exercise programs. Exercise is difficult, sometimes it hurts, and we have to push ourselves through feelings that we don't really enjoy. I'm a strong believer in finding exercise that you love and enjoy, but any time you are working your muscles, there is going to be some level of discomfort involved. Your muscles are basically being injured while you exercise, they are ripping apart and then, when you rest, are being built back together, to become even stronger. 



The same thing happens when we encounter a difficult situation in life. We do our best to avoid the discomfort. For me, I avoid things that I am afraid will be too much responsibility. I think it is a natural thing to do, but it isn't what God tells us to do as Christians. He often asks us to go into situations outside of our comfort zone. 

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands." 2 John 1:6

When Luke and I were considering becoming foster parents we experienced this natural inclination in our human nature of self preservation. We weren't sure what we were getting into and we knew it wouldn't be easy. We avoided it and made excuses, but eventually we were convicted to be obedient to what God was asking when we heard a sermon by Josh Phillips, our pastor at Community Life Church. The message in this particular sermon was to Be Faithful, Not Fearful. 

During our foster parent training we learned that 1 in 4 girls have been sexually abused. Not 1 in 4 girls in foster care, but 1 in 4 girls, period. Many children in foster care have experienced some kind of abuse, have emotional disturbances, behavioral difficulties, and have been in the juvenile justice system. The more we learned, the more there was to fear. 

The encouragement to Be Faithful, Not Fearful, stuck with us. At a similar time we also read a blog post by Jason Johnson. There was a kid out there living in hell and we could be a safe place for them. The cost to them if we chose not to do foster care, far outweighed what it would cost us to take them in. It put our fear, inconvenience, and selfishness into perspective. 

Maybe there is something you know God is asking of you, and it scares you, or just makes you feel uncomfortable. Our human nature will try to persuade us to stay on the easy path, but let me encourage you (and myself) that putting ourselves out there in those uncomfortable situations will bless us far more than staying where things are nice and easy.

"We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Just as our muscles are strengthened and built through physical exercise, God molds us, refines us, toughens us, and makes us into new creatures through our obedience to him. It's worth the struggle. 

What is God asking of you that makes you uncomfortable or fearful? 

Hold onto his promises and step out in obedience. 

Getting Motivated

God is often teaching me lessons through running that carry over into my daily life. I started to write this post about motivation and ideas for getting motivated to run and workout. I'm still going to share those things, but I also realized that I needed a lesson in what motivates my life. I'm still working through that part, but I'll share what I've been given so far. 

First, how do you motivate yourself to workout? 
If you want to get in shape and think you don't have time or that it will be difficult, boring, or whatever other excuses you come up with...I can assure you that it doesn't have to be as difficult as you think. It's all about finding workouts you ENJOY! I believe it's important to find exercise you love, because otherwise, why do it? You are just going to give up if you don't really enjoy it.

Here are a few ideas if running isn't your thing: cycling, hiking, playing sports, swimming, fitness classes, boxing/kickboxing, karate or other martial arts. I'd love to hear other ideas in the comments below.  

Hiking with my man at Dunbar Cave

I also think a workout buddy goes a long way in holding you accountable and simply keeping you company and having fun together. Exercising with Luke is almost always more fun than exercising alone. If I'm walking, biking, or hiking with Luke, I'm just enjoying talking to him and not even thinking that it's a workout. Being out in God's nature helps too!

My sweet husband had his own experience with health and exercise struggles this year. In April, he was hit by an SUV while riding his bike on Memorial Drive in Clarksville, and ended up in the trauma center in Nashville, had emergency surgery, spent a few days in the hospital, and a few months unable to walk.    

A ridiculous selfie of us when he was in the trauma center. He wanted a selfie, these are my skills.

Recovering at home with the leg immobilizer and well wishes from lots of friends.

      

I enjoy cycling with him. Not as much by myself, but I did complete a 10 mile bike ride in his honor on July 4th this year. I also rode my bike BY MYSELF on Memorial Drive. This was a huge fear to face, but I believe in facing your fears. Don't let fear hold you back from living life to its fullest. When you face your fears you are experiencing faith. When you have faith, it's hard to feel hopeless.

Sango Firecracker Bike Ride for the 4th of July

Face your fears, conquer your fears...and God will remind you of the hope in which he has called you. Here is what we saw the day we drove Luke home from the hospital.  A beautiful reminder of the hope we have in God. 

A beautiful rainbow on our drive home

Hope is powerful. What gives us hope? What makes us lose hope? Why do we often have such a strong hope and confidence one day and struggle the next? I believe we have a very real enemy fighting against us, but I also believe at times, that enemy is ourselves. Today, my thoughts and feelings have been waging war on what is true. I woke up and wanted to pull the covers back over my head. I felt tired, depressed, and basically had a bad attitude. I immediately pulled out my Bible and started reading scripture because I knew I needed it. I'm still on a marathon of reading and re-reading 1 Peter, so here is some of what I read today, 

"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." 1 Peter 1:14-16

I would like to say that I immediately felt a conviction to get my act together and start acting holy. What I "felt" instead was like a child who crosses their arms, sticks out their lower lip, and starts to throw a temper tantrum.

Fortunately I kept reading...

"Since you call on a Father who judges each person's work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear." 1 Peter 1:17

Uh Oh. 

"For you know that is was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect...Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your FAITH and HOPE are in God." 1 Peter 1:18-21  

Our feelings are so fickle and even though I read these verses this morning and felt a very strong conviction to change my attitude, I've struggled with it the entire day. This kind of hopeless, uncaring attitude comes from fear. Not the reverent fear Peter was talking about, but an unhealthy fear that discourages and tears us down. Fear of failure, fear of what the future holds, fear that we aren't good enough, strong enough, or able to handle what's ahead. This kind of fear can paralyze us from moving forward. It also is a lie.

Fear is a powerful motivator, but I believe there is a fear that motivates, convicts, and encourages us to fall down on our faces before a holy and just God. Fall down so that God can lift you up.

He is our hope. No matter what we are wrestling with, whether it is a physical obstacle or our own feelings, we can remember that those circumstances and those feelings are temporary and fleeting. The hope we have in God is everlasting. 

One of my mom's favorite Bible verses was Jeremiah 29:11.

Taken from Dailyverses.net

He's got this. 
 

My perfectionist husband created this picture