Stillness and Waiting

When you are writing a blog about running, there isn't much to say when you aren't running very often. I've thought several times about doing some kind of update, but the words just don't sort themselves out when I sit down to write. There is something about being out for a run that helps me organize my thoughts and hear more clearly what God is speaking into my life. Lately, he has been directing my mind to the concept of stillness and waiting. For the past couple of years, Luke and I have lived out some of the most joyful moments, filled with laughter and love, but like many others, the year 2020 ushered in anxiety, depression, questioning, loss of community, and it has been difficult to pull ourselves out of that space. 

Lately, as God shows me the importance of stillness and waiting, I'm trying to become less impatient in getting my life to be or look a certain way. I'm also trying to prioritize what is important to me and get rid of the things that aren't. 

One of those priorities is moving my body- by running, bike riding, yoga, Pilates. I decided to make a schedule so I would be more likely to stick to (and remember) what I want to be doing. If you're reading this and want to start running or need a workout guide to follow, this would be a great one. I've made things pretty easy for myself! 

1- RUN 3 days a week. I've chosen Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday but I will move a day up or down if I need to. My starting point is 2 miles. I try to do that distance each time, but I did not start running that entire distance right away and how my body feels during each run determines how much running vs walking I will do that day. I'm a firm believer in the run/walk. It's just easier and there isn't any benefit to non-stop running. For me, I always feel like the first mile is really hard and then once I walk a little and start running again, it isn't too bad. 

2- I'm doing workout videos at home. And by workout videos I mean 10-20 minute (tops) yoga or easy core and stretching videos in the morning or evenings. This is low intensity, easy, fun, and quick! The key is that they are short which means I will actually fit them in and get it done. I'd like to do this every day but I'm trying to do one most days. (Dr. Bri's Vibrant Pelvic Health and Yoga with Adriene are my go-to videos on youtube)

3- I'm trying to walk about 20 minutes every day. This is also a "most" days happening and I was doing much better when the weather was nicer, but I'm still determined to do this as much as possible. 

4- I'm going to start swimming! I signed up for a sprint triathlon in May and swimming is definitely the event I'm most concerned about. We are planning to go swimming at the YMCA on Sunday afternoons so the boys can get some swim time and Luke and I can take turns swimming some laps. 

5- We typically ride our bikes as a family pretty often when the weather is nice. I'll take a break over the winter, but will hopefully get back to it in the spring. I even have a brand new Trek mountain bike to make this even more fun! 

My goal with running is to get the 2 miles down to a point where I don't feel like I'm going to die, and then start running just a little faster. When I started back running, it was at a 12 minute pace and I'm slowly getting a bit faster, but I'd like to get to a 10 minute pace and then hopefully an 8-9 minute pace. Once I get to a 10 minute pace, I would like to start adding a mile to my Saturday runs. 

I hesitate to say this out loud...but I'm looking at my marathon in Fall 2024. I've learned my lesson in making plans though, so I will wait and see what happens. Stillness and Waiting, but in that waiting there is preparing.  

Running to Escape

Cody escaped from the house and joined me on a pre-surgery run.

The word escape brings an image to my mind of a prisoner breaking free or running away from someone holding you captive. I suppose escape could bring about nice images like a vacation on the beach, but when I think of escape I'm more focused on what I'm trying to get away from than where I'm going to go. 

What am I trying to get away from? This feeling of needing to escape wells up inside of me. Sometimes it comes on urgently and it breaks me down to a sense of hopelessness. Other times it is very gradual and is a slow feeling of restlessness, a growing need to get the heck out of here.

I don't think I'm alone in this. How many of us read Eat, Pray, Love or Wild and immediately started planning (in our daydreams) an adventure of our own, an escape from reality and responsibility? A pursuit of finding ourselves and indulging our selfish nature.

 
I think the reason I don't picture the end destination when I think of escape is because it's an illusion. A week on the beach is nice, but temporary. Even a soul searching journey, while I'm sure would be a great adventure, wouldn't really get me anywhere substantial. I want something that can't be achieved on this earth. I see a shadow of it in treasured moments with my family and friends, finding beauty in exploring nature, laughing at a funny book or movie, or yes, enjoying a really great vacation. I can soak those moments in and try to create as many of them as possible, but it's fleeting. 

Enjoying a really great vacation with Dad and Luke in Maine.

When that itch to escape comes on I could try to take control of the situation and start making plans to get out of my discomfort, but most likely I need to turn my back on that feeling and embrace the reality of my circumstances. This is where you suck it up and keep moving forward, where you "hit the wall" and push through it. 

As runners, we train our bodies to endure these moments. We learn to recognize the difference between hitting our limit and stopping before we injure ourselves, and hitting that metaphorical wall that causes our mind to think we've had enough when really we need to dig down deep and just keep moving.

Let me introduce you to Pop Pilates with Cassey Ho. The YouTube video below actually made me cry the first few times I did it. Cassey will make you feel the burn, and sometimes that is just what our bodies need. The move that she does in this video is called "prisoner position". No wonder I wanted to escape from it immediately. There are workout videos I've disliked and never returned to, but I knew this one was good for me. I kept at it until I could actually complete the whole video without putting my leg down (or crying). :)

Too much?? Cassey does have beginner workouts, so don't be intimidated. I'll warn you that when I first watched her I was pretty annoyed by her insane perkiness, but it's all for a purpose to distract you from what is happening to your muscles! She will make it worth your time and most videos are short 10-20 minutes. Pop Pilates for beginners is a great place to start: 

Right now I am still not allowed to run or do any hard core workouts. I'm walking, doing yoga, and stretching! I can taste it though, just around the corner...I think I'll be running soon. My body is ready to be pushed. It is restless and longing to hit the pavement. For my mind, running provides a temporary escape from the stress of life. For my body, it reminds me that escape isn't necessary. That I can endure some pain and discomfort, I can persist through it, and come out a little bit stronger on the other side.