If you can't adopt...

We had the opportunity to care for a four month old a couple of times in the past month to help out another foster family. Luke and I had a blast and were exhausted looking after this precious little one! We got in some practice in being a tag team: preparing bottles, changing diapers, and rocking him to sleep. For now, this is how we hope to help out as foster care parents.

He loves to snuggle!

Going for a walk

It isn't easy to find babysitters as a foster parent. Youth Villages requires background checks and an application packet to become an approved respite provider. If you want the child to come to your home, you also have to do a complete home walk-through and comply with the same rules as foster parents. It's a pretty extensive process. Some children, like the little one we recently watched, require medically fragile training due to their medical needs. Basically, as a foster parent you can't just ask the same people to watch your foster children as you would your own children, even if it's close friends or family, they all have to be approved to provide respite care.

There is a great need for foster families in Middle Tennessee. We were recently told that there were more than 20 children spending the night at the DCS offices in Nashville while they search for families to provide a home for them.

Maybe you can't adopt or foster a child right now, but there are so many ways to be involved. One way is to look into becoming a respite provider for foster families. You can become a support person for an individual family or you can contact DCS or a foster care agency like Youth Villages and go through the training.

Jason Johnson has an excellent blog post on ways to become involved and serve foster care families.
Some ideas include providing services to families such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, or bringing a meal. I can attest that having meals provided for us was such a blessing! It was one less thing to worry about at the end of the day.

He also talks about babysitting and providing care packages for service agencies. Youth Villages has multiple opportunities throughout the year to provide items for children in foster care. One of them is Backpack Heroes (going on right now!) and Holiday Heroes at the beginning of December. Be sure and check them out!

A different kind of marathon

Looks like I won't be running the type of marathon I thought I would anytime soon. Instead, I have a different kind of 9 month marathon ahead of me (6 months at this point). 

Much to our surprise, we are having a baby and we couldn't be more excited! 

Our little family in Denver, CO

Here were my first thoughts on finding out I was pregnant:

"Is that right? Let me check the instructions on the box again. Does it really have two lines??"

"YAY!" Along with tears of JOY!

"Oh man, what have we gotten ourselves into? There's really no turning back now."

The above thoughts are pretty much exactly what I was thinking those first few moments we found out I was pregnant. The main overwhelming emotion was excitement, anxiety, thinking, "it's about time!", and some fear. The first night, I lay in bed for hours unable to fall asleep. I was excited, but really, really scared. My fear wasn't about labor or parenting or the enormity of having a child (I'm sure those fears will come at some point!). Instead, I was afraid it wasn't real or if it was, it wouldn't be for long. I was terrified to wake up and not be pregnant anymore. One of the risks with endometriosis is miscarriage and that first night I could not stop thinking about the possibility of it. Finally, I remembered to turn my thoughts to God and pray (why did it take me until 1:30am to do this?). I don't remember thinking about anything after that, but finally fell asleep.

Everybody loves a baby bump progression, so here we are with barely a bump to see:

4 weeks

One of the positive things about waiting for 3 years to become pregnant is you have a lot of time to do research. I have three books on pregnancy, one that I've already read the first part of, we've interviewed providers (that seems really ridiculous now, but hey, it's already done!), I have about 30 bookmarked pages of lists of things you should do while pregnant, what you should eat, things to register for, everything you wanted to know about breastfeeding and cloth diapers, and a million other topics no one cares about when you aren't pregnant. The first year or so that we tried to get pregnant I researched like a mad woman. This made me pretty depressed the second year and I had to put it all out of sight, but now I'm feeling pretty ahead of the game.
 

8 weeks

I think in the back of my mind (very far back) I held on to the possibility of becoming pregnant, but we had pretty much given up on it. We decided against trying fertility treatments and didn't think we would adopt (we are in no way against those things, it just wasn't for us). Even with my doctor telling me there would be a chance of conceiving since my surgery last August was so successful, I still didn't want to get my hopes up. Luke and I prayed for God to show us his plan for our lives. Maybe there were things we would do that others, who had kids, couldn't easily do. Maybe there were positive things about being childless (yes, there are many!). On one level I resigned myself to not having kids and I could even feel joyful in that, but I knew deep down what my true feelings were because they would creep up on me especially when I saw or read something about someone else's struggle with infertility. Amazingly I never felt sad when others announced their pregnancies and I'm glad I could feel genuinely happy for them. The hardest thing though was knowing how much Luke wanted to be a dad and seeing him with our friend's and family's kids and knowing what an awesome dad he would be! 

11 weeks with a tiny bump

We've made it 15 weeks and I'm breathing easier after hearing Baby Baine's heartbeat and seeing him/her on an ultrasound (5 more weeks until we find out the gender!). Everything is healthy so far! This pregnancy and baby are an absolute miracle! I can't believe how many doctors told me that I would never be able to get pregnant, how sure they were that I needed a hysterectomy, and how none of them knew there was a specialist in Atlanta who would look at my chart and confidently tell me that he could remove every bit of the endo and leave all of my organs intact. We are so thankful to have found Dr. Sinervo, at The Center for Endometriosis Care. My concern at that time was to get back my life, to not be in pain and nausea everyday. The icing on the cake is this miracle baby growing inside me. 




 My goal is to run a 5K in my second trimester. I stopped running in the first trimester because I was tired all the time and feeling nauseous (no change there!) but now I'm feeling less nauseous and a little more energy so I'm determined to get back to running. I went for a run yesterday with Luke and my dad, who is in town for the 4th of July. It felt great!

For all my mom friends out there, what kinds of exercises did you like to do when you were pregnant? I'm doing lots of walking, and a little bit of core and yoga. I'm thinking about finding a pool to do some swimming or pool walking.

Thanks for sharing in our excitement! I spent an entire day on Facebook reading congratulations messages from friends after we posted our announcement. Facebook gets a bad rap, but man it made me so happy to read all of those comments!! Here is our post if you missed it:

Ready to Roll January 2018!

All or Nothing?

It's hard to keep up with a blog about running a marathon when I haven't been doing much running. 
My body just physically does not want to run very far or very fast or very often. I still have the desire to get out there, I'm just moving much more slowly than I would like.

Running isn't the only thing in my life that I'm only doing part of the way right now. I've gone back and forth about whether I need to give up those things completely. If I can't do them 100%, should I be attempting to do them at all? One of the things that motivates me to run is to set goals to run faster and farther than the last time. Doesn't that also motivate us in life? To move forward, make gains, and feel like we are achieving something?

So what happens when we are stagnant? When we aren't really achieving anything and maybe we even feel like we're moving backwards instead of forwards? Should we quit? Should it be all or nothing?

I went back and forth about this with running. I went out for a run and ended up walking a lot and running a little. When I stopped to walk I thought about giving up on running completely. Why continue if I'm just going to have to stop and walk? After walking a bit I felt like running again and made up my mind that it doesn't really matter how much I walk or how much I run. I love to run, and I'm going to keep doing it as long as I'm still enjoying it and my body is physically capable of doing it!

Luke and I going for a run on Global Running Day

I don't think it is all or nothing. God has me where I am for a reason. I have times in my life when I can jump into things with both feet and give it everything I've got, and I have other times when I have to scale back and just do what I am able to do. There may be times when I need to quit, when something is taking up space that shouldn't be taking my time and energy, but there are other times when I quit things that maybe I am supposed to hold onto a little longer. Even though I am not making the progress I would like or getting the results I think I should, it doesn't mean it is over.

My encouragement for you and for myself right now is not to give up when you can't do it all. It just matters that we are doing something. No matter how big or small it seems to be. Keep doing it.

I'll leave you with a yoga website to check out. Yoga has been something I can always fall back on and do even when other workouts seem out of reach.

Yoga for Runners

Pennyrile State Forest

A couple weekends ago, Luke and I went to one of our favorite places for a few days of rest, relaxation, and lots of hiking. Pennyrile State Forest is about an hour away from our house, just north of Hopkinsville, Kentucky.

Our cabin for the weekend

There is a lodge where you can spend the night, or you can rent a cabin nestled in the woods along the lake. There are plenty of hiking trails right outside the door. There are also mountain bike trails, a swimming pool, beach area at the lake, tennis and basketball courts, a golf course...lots of things to do! 

 

 View of the lake from our cabin

I'll let these pics speak for themselves. Here are some of the hiking trails:

 

Pausing for a rest on Fisherman's Rock

It was a little wet and muddy on the trail

Taking our hike to the golf course when the weather was rainy

Met a friend and saw lots of wildlife, especially on the golf course!

Cody had a blast swimming in the lake

Beautiful Views

It was a fantastic weekend, even with a bit of rain. Not a whole lot of running, but lots of walking and hiking! Luke took his bike out on the road as well. I have been doing a lot more walking than running lately, but we did enjoy the Girls on the Run 5K last Saturday. This was the most encouraging 5K I have participated in, but if you are looking to hit a PR or be really serious, this isn't the 5K for you. We were surrounded by little girls and their running buddies who were attempting to convince them to run instead of walk. Girls would stop to tie their shoe right in front of you, no moving to the side of the road. There were girls sprinting, walking, crying, laughing, but overall just having a great time!

Here are some photo highlights:

Posing in front of the Titans stadium, it was cold!

 

 

 

Start line: lots of pink!

Girls and Running Buddies

Cheering at the finish line

This 5K convinced me that I want to find a local GOTR group and volunteer. It will motivate me to keep running as well. I'm moving pretty slowly these days, but I figure even if I'm walking, at least I'm moving!! I've also been doing lots of yoga and will leave you with a great, short video by FemFusion Fitness. This video would be great to do after a run or just after a stressful day. Enjoy!

Survival Mode

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:1-2

Springtime in Middle Tennessee is exactly what it should be: warm afternoons and cool evenings. The first signs of spring here are the cherry blossoms and red buds. The purple pops of color are a welcome arrival and are a sign of new life and new beginnings peeking out from the branches of winter. Along with the beauty of trees blossoming, comes a whole lot of rain! When you are running in the rain, you can't look very far ahead. If you look up, you are pelted with rain drops in your face and depending on how hard it is raining, you can't see too much ahead of you. You have to focus on the road right in front of you.

Last week I was determined to get a run in one morning even though it was raining. It was just a drizzle, but it was cold and kind of miserable. I'm glad I got out and completed my run, but as I was running I couldn't think of much else besides the rain running down my face, that I felt cold, and I was ready to just be finished. I was in survival mode. 

Dreary, rainy run

A few days later I ran the same route on the most gorgeous day with perfectly blue skies and flowers that seemed to be actually popping up as I was running by. I didn't have to look straight down at the road, but lifted my head and looked up at all of the beauty around me.

Red buds under a blue sky

In life, we sometimes need to lift up our eyes and see the beauty around us. It's impossible to do when we are in survival mode. When the rain is falling all around us, we can't see through it, we can't lift our faces against it. We feel hopeless. Mercifully, God brings us out of survival mode so that we can catch a glimpse of the bigger picture. It might be for a moment or it might be longer, but that's when the clouds clear out and new life begins to bloom around us. That's where hope lives.

I could never do that

We hear a common phrase when someone finds out that my husband and I are foster parents:

"I could never do that."

On the first day of training to become a foster parent, they ask you why you want to do it. This is not an easy question for me to answer. I will tell you that I do not want to be a foster parent. I'm doing it for one simple reason, God told me to do it.

You might think that foster parenting is difficult, and you would be right. You might think it will disrupt your life, add a lot of stress, and force you to be around people you would rather avoid. You might think you'll love the kids too much and want to body slam the adults who put them in this mess, you also might worry that you won't love them enough, that they will push you away, scream at you, and it will be hard to show them the love they desperately need. All of the things you think would be difficult are resoundingly correct. It's hard. You also might think you don't have the qualifications that are needed, your life is too hectic right now, or maybe it's calm and you want to keep it that way! You think you could never do it.

Maybe you're right.

Here are the qualifications I have to be a foster parent: 

I'm a living, breathing human being. 

I love Jesus. 

That's it. I can't do it either, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm not special. There is nothing about me that makes me believe I am capable and lots of things about me that make me believe I'm going to mess up. I don't even have the desire to do this. My willingness to do foster care comes from my willingness to follow Christ. Luke recently started saying that we have not been called to "foster success" but to "foster care". We aren't responsible for the success of these children. We can't save them, change them, or make them into something they are not. That is God's responsibility, not ours. We can't do it. We were called to say "yes" and God, in his mercy, has held us, supported us, loved us, strengthened us, and taught us that it is all about him.

God promises us that we can rely on his strength. I've been wondering exactly how this works. How do I tap into that superhuman God-strength and do the things he has asked me to do?

Here's what I know:

1) Sometimes it feels like I can't do it and that's ok. I don't need to feel guilty about how I feel.            "it" might be foster care, my job, going for a run, helping out a friend, being patient when something irritates me, or even just making dinner.

                     But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10  

Since Paul delighted in his weakness, we can be comforted that there isn't anything wrong with being weak. In fact, if we follow Paul's example, we should actually boast about our weaknesses! Paul asked for God to remove the thorn in his flesh, but not only does God seem ok with keeping us in our weakness, he also plans to use us there. 

  2) God will use me when I am tired and weak.  

                     He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31   

There are more ways than I could list that God has shown his power and work in my life. When I think about these moments, there isn't one time that I felt strong, capable, or that everything was going wonderfully. Each of these moments consisted of hardship, brokenness, and difficulty. I desperately needed God to be there, and he showed up in amazing and mighty ways.

3) Whatever it is I don't feel like doing, do it anyway.

                        Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-17

Our foster daughter lived with us for about a year and a half and has now moved on to her next home. There were so many moments that God fought for us and I want to share one of them with you.

Around Easter last year we went to the Good Friday service at our church. It had been a rough week and Luke and I were looking forward to taking the time to remember what Christ has done for us and spend time in worship with our church family. Just before we left for church, an incident came up with our daughter that we had to deal with. It put a damper on the evening but we moved past it and went to church. When we got back to our house that evening, our daughter was still upset about what had happened and began yelling and arguing with us. At one point she told us that she had never known anyone that made her life worse than we made it. That felt really good. *sarcasm* We did our best to remain calm and let her storm off to her room. I checked my phone and saw a text from a friend that said she and her family had "egged" our house. This was a little confusing, but it was Easter after all, and I figured there was more to the story, so I went outside and found this on my door:

Luke asked if we should go get our daughter and have her come search for Easter eggs with us. My response was, "of course not, are you crazy??" Thankfully, he decided to go and knock on her door anyway. She flung open the door and threw herself into his arms crying. I went over and put my arms around them both. She said she was sorry and we talked a little more, and then we went outside and hunted Easter eggs! She had a blast and it brought our family closer together. My friend couldn't have possibly known how God was working through her by hiding some eggs in our yard that evening.

One more thing I want to share. When our daughter came to live with us she had a laundry basket full of clothes, a drawing set, and a small bag. Here are all of her things ready to move out:

The majority of these items are from friends and family who have loved and accepted our daughter as a part of our family and as you can see, have spoiled her a bit! Luke and I are so thankful and blessed for everyone who has supported, listened, and encouraged us through this first placement. We are going to take a short break, but plan to jump back in again. Not because we think we can do it, but because we have seen God hold us up and get us through it. As long as he continues to ask, we will continue to say yes.

My update with running is that right now I feel like I will never be able to run a marathon. I've felt nauseous every morning for about 4 or 5 weeks straight. It's pretty miserable. Dramamine is helping, but some days it doesn't cut it. The results from the GI doctor came back normal, which ruled out anything GI related. He said it is most likely related to the endometriosis and has to do with my hormones. Next step is to go back to my doctor in Atlanta and see what he recommends.

Running at Dunbar and stopping to give Cody a pat:






I don't feel like doing much of anything when I feel nauseous, much less go for a run. I've realized though that I just have to get out there and do it. God put a desire in me to run. He is constantly teaching me lessons through running. The one that speaks the most clearly to me right now is that it doesn't really matter how I feel, sometimes I just have to get out there and do it anyway. No, it doesn't feel great and yes, I've thrown up on the side of the road, but those moments when I run a little farther or a little faster than I did before and when I have accomplished something that I wasn't really sure I could do, that's when my faith is strengthened, when I know God won't let me fail. I'll have difficult days, but if I just get out there and do the thing, God will show me things I never thought were possible.

Has God placed something on your heart or put something in your life that you feel is too much for you? Can I encourage you that it's ok to feel like you can't do it? Take that weakness and let it be a testimony to the unavoidable need we have to depend upon God's strength. Then be willing to move forward and do what he has asked you to do. All he needs is our obedience. He will do the rest.   

Quiet

To my local running friends and my Atlanta running friends: It's time to sign up for the big races of the year! Go Commando in Clarksville, TN and The Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta.
If you aren't a runner, sign up to volunteer. There is nothing like cheering on runners and getting caught up in the excitement of race day!

Go Commando is a Half Marathon and 5K on October 21, 2017. There is also a shadow run where soldiers in Afghanistan will run a course at the same time as the one in Clarksville. Sign up now for the best prices!

The Peachtree Road Race is a 10K held on July 4, 2017 with 60,000 runners through downtown Atlanta. The lottery to enter is held March 15th-22nd. Don't forget to sign up!

My personal running journey is going very slowly right now. I have signed up for The Girls on the Run 5K, May 6, 2017 in Nashville. I'm confident I will get to the point where I can run 3.1 miles (hopefully by May), but right now it is a struggle to run. Since my body seems to want to take it slow, I'm allowing some space and time to walk, sit, and take in everything around me. I don't mind pushing myself, but right now I'm trying to listen to my body and let it tell me what it needs. On that note, let me tell you a little more about myself...

I have a quiet, reserved personality. I don't react quickly. I enjoy being alone.

Clarksville Greenway

I haven't always been this way. When I was a child I would make friends at the grocery store and convince them to come walk around with me. My mom would have to return children back to their parents. My mom always told me that I sang before I learned to talk. My first words were singing, "Jesus Loves Me." Once I started singing, I didn't stop. I wanted my life to be a musical where it could be perfectly natural to break into song at any given point. My brothers gave me the nickname "walkie, talkie" and we had a rule at our house of, "no singing at the dinner table." I was the only one who had trouble following this rule.

Dunbar Cave

Somewhere along my childhood I became an introvert. I didn't even realize this about myself until a friend in high school pointed out that I was a quiet person. I was completely offended and decided I would make an effort to be more outgoing. I viewed quiet as weakness. I encountered others who did as well. Usually these were complete strangers who took me off guard in actually commenting on how quiet I was. "Watch out for this one, she's quiet.", "You really don't say much, do you?", "Why are you so quiet?" Let me just stop here for a moment and point out how insulting it would be to walk up to a complete stranger and say the reverse, "I was sitting here watching you and noticed that you are an incredibly loud person that never shuts up! Why are you so loud?"

Or maybe someone would take that as a compliment???

Clarksville Marina

Our culture admires having something to say. We don't like silence. I've found myself in a conversation barely listening to the other person because I'm worried about my turn. Especially in a group: "Everyone has said something. You haven't said anything. Think of something to say!"

Why am I worried about talking when I don't have something to say?

Rotary Park

Fortunately, I've learned to embrace my quiet. I don't have a lot to say, but when I do say something I've usually given it some thought. I'm better at listening than talking and that helps me observe the world around me. This is helpful as a Behavior Analyst. It's also a blessing to be slow to react. It takes a lot to work me up or bother me. I have infinite amounts of patience for everyone...except my husband. Sorry Luke!

If you aren't sure if you are an introvert or extrovert you can take this quiz from the Quiet Revolution.

I came across the Quiet Revolution after reading a book by Susan Cain called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. This book is an excellent explanation of introversion and focuses on the strengths of this personality type. It was encouraging for me to read about the experiences many introverts face such as going out of our way to avoid social situations that terrify us (speaking in groups, making small talk, entering a room full of strangers).

Kirkwood

Running fits in nicely with being an introvert. I love being out on the road or trail, alone with my thoughts. I think things over, plan things out, reflect, listen, and sometimes try not to think about anything at all.

Clarksville Marina

It's not easy to carve out time to slow down and listen to what is going on around us. I've been convinced lately that God wants me to intentionally listen quietly to Him. I want to hear what he has to say to me, not just from his Word, because I do believe he speaks to us that way, but also in a still, small voice that comes from sitting and reflecting. Many times what I hear from God in these moments are things that he has been telling me for days, weeks, or even months and I've been pushing his words aside or trying to avoid them. When I take the time to truly stop and listen, I can't ignore what he has to say any longer.

Liberty Park

A quiet moment of reflection could happen anywhere, but the pictures I've included here are my favorite places in Clarksville to sit for a moment. Take a nice long walk or run and spend time speaking to God, then stop, be still, and listen.