Running back and forth to Nashville

Taken from Results Physiotherapy website: The girl in the picture looks like she just finished a run! :)

I started Physical Therapy three weeks ago at Results Physiotherapy in Nashville. They have a pelvic health specialty clinic there, and while I'm truly thankful it is nearby, running back and forth to Nashville three times a week is not the kind of running I would like to be doing!

My very awesome physical therapist, Beth, is not allowing me to run at this point. I still say she is awesome because the woman is working magic in helping me. I confess that I really enjoy physical therapy. It is worth the 53 minute drive. My main issue is that most of my muscles are very tense and tight from the trauma of surgery. This means that the majority of my PT consists of massage, stretches, applying heat and some kind of awesome electric "Stim" pulses on my ab and back muscles, and basically learning to relax and take deep breaths. Sounds awful, huh?   

Yesterday, Beth told me I can finally start doing yoga again! I can do "restorative" yoga twice a week. Here is my go-to yoga gal: 

 

Yoga with Adriene Adriene doesn't take herself too seriously. She knows what she's doing and keeps things fun. Plus she's from Austin, so she's weird and awesome. She has great instructional videos for individual poses, plus different challenges, such as 30 days of yoga. If you are looking for something specific, she probably has a video for it. Go to her YouTube site at the link above and search for any topic you're looking for: back pain, for bedtime, for runners, relaxation, stress relief, tired legs, morning sequence, strength and focus, the list goes on...
 

Lots of walks with this guy

Right now the exercises I'm doing are nice and easy. I'm going on walks, which makes Cody very happy, but I'm not doing anything too strenuous. The goal is to reduce pain. I've been thinking about our bodies natural reaction to avoid pain. It is probably what keeps many people from sticking with exercise programs. Exercise is difficult, sometimes it hurts, and we have to push ourselves through feelings that we don't really enjoy. I'm a strong believer in finding exercise that you love and enjoy, but any time you are working your muscles, there is going to be some level of discomfort involved. Your muscles are basically being injured while you exercise, they are ripping apart and then, when you rest, are being built back together, to become even stronger. 



The same thing happens when we encounter a difficult situation in life. We do our best to avoid the discomfort. For me, I avoid things that I am afraid will be too much responsibility. I think it is a natural thing to do, but it isn't what God tells us to do as Christians. He often asks us to go into situations outside of our comfort zone. 

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands." 2 John 1:6

When Luke and I were considering becoming foster parents we experienced this natural inclination in our human nature of self preservation. We weren't sure what we were getting into and we knew it wouldn't be easy. We avoided it and made excuses, but eventually we were convicted to be obedient to what God was asking when we heard a sermon by Josh Phillips, our pastor at Community Life Church. The message in this particular sermon was to Be Faithful, Not Fearful. 

During our foster parent training we learned that 1 in 4 girls have been sexually abused. Not 1 in 4 girls in foster care, but 1 in 4 girls, period. Many children in foster care have experienced some kind of abuse, have emotional disturbances, behavioral difficulties, and have been in the juvenile justice system. The more we learned, the more there was to fear. 

The encouragement to Be Faithful, Not Fearful, stuck with us. At a similar time we also read a blog post by Jason Johnson. There was a kid out there living in hell and we could be a safe place for them. The cost to them if we chose not to do foster care, far outweighed what it would cost us to take them in. It put our fear, inconvenience, and selfishness into perspective. 

Maybe there is something you know God is asking of you, and it scares you, or just makes you feel uncomfortable. Our human nature will try to persuade us to stay on the easy path, but let me encourage you (and myself) that putting ourselves out there in those uncomfortable situations will bless us far more than staying where things are nice and easy.

"We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Just as our muscles are strengthened and built through physical exercise, God molds us, refines us, toughens us, and makes us into new creatures through our obedience to him. It's worth the struggle. 

What is God asking of you that makes you uncomfortable or fearful? 

Hold onto his promises and step out in obedience. 

Getting Motivated

God is often teaching me lessons through running that carry over into my daily life. I started to write this post about motivation and ideas for getting motivated to run and workout. I'm still going to share those things, but I also realized that I needed a lesson in what motivates my life. I'm still working through that part, but I'll share what I've been given so far. 

First, how do you motivate yourself to workout? 
If you want to get in shape and think you don't have time or that it will be difficult, boring, or whatever other excuses you come up with...I can assure you that it doesn't have to be as difficult as you think. It's all about finding workouts you ENJOY! I believe it's important to find exercise you love, because otherwise, why do it? You are just going to give up if you don't really enjoy it.

Here are a few ideas if running isn't your thing: cycling, hiking, playing sports, swimming, fitness classes, boxing/kickboxing, karate or other martial arts. I'd love to hear other ideas in the comments below.  

Hiking with my man at Dunbar Cave

I also think a workout buddy goes a long way in holding you accountable and simply keeping you company and having fun together. Exercising with Luke is almost always more fun than exercising alone. If I'm walking, biking, or hiking with Luke, I'm just enjoying talking to him and not even thinking that it's a workout. Being out in God's nature helps too!

My sweet husband had his own experience with health and exercise struggles this year. In April, he was hit by an SUV while riding his bike on Memorial Drive in Clarksville, and ended up in the trauma center in Nashville, had emergency surgery, spent a few days in the hospital, and a few months unable to walk.    

A ridiculous selfie of us when he was in the trauma center. He wanted a selfie, these are my skills.

Recovering at home with the leg immobilizer and well wishes from lots of friends.

      

I enjoy cycling with him. Not as much by myself, but I did complete a 10 mile bike ride in his honor on July 4th this year. I also rode my bike BY MYSELF on Memorial Drive. This was a huge fear to face, but I believe in facing your fears. Don't let fear hold you back from living life to its fullest. When you face your fears you are experiencing faith. When you have faith, it's hard to feel hopeless.

Sango Firecracker Bike Ride for the 4th of July

Face your fears, conquer your fears...and God will remind you of the hope in which he has called you. Here is what we saw the day we drove Luke home from the hospital.  A beautiful reminder of the hope we have in God. 

A beautiful rainbow on our drive home

Hope is powerful. What gives us hope? What makes us lose hope? Why do we often have such a strong hope and confidence one day and struggle the next? I believe we have a very real enemy fighting against us, but I also believe at times, that enemy is ourselves. Today, my thoughts and feelings have been waging war on what is true. I woke up and wanted to pull the covers back over my head. I felt tired, depressed, and basically had a bad attitude. I immediately pulled out my Bible and started reading scripture because I knew I needed it. I'm still on a marathon of reading and re-reading 1 Peter, so here is some of what I read today, 

"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." 1 Peter 1:14-16

I would like to say that I immediately felt a conviction to get my act together and start acting holy. What I "felt" instead was like a child who crosses their arms, sticks out their lower lip, and starts to throw a temper tantrum.

Fortunately I kept reading...

"Since you call on a Father who judges each person's work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear." 1 Peter 1:17

Uh Oh. 

"For you know that is was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect...Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your FAITH and HOPE are in God." 1 Peter 1:18-21  

Our feelings are so fickle and even though I read these verses this morning and felt a very strong conviction to change my attitude, I've struggled with it the entire day. This kind of hopeless, uncaring attitude comes from fear. Not the reverent fear Peter was talking about, but an unhealthy fear that discourages and tears us down. Fear of failure, fear of what the future holds, fear that we aren't good enough, strong enough, or able to handle what's ahead. This kind of fear can paralyze us from moving forward. It also is a lie.

Fear is a powerful motivator, but I believe there is a fear that motivates, convicts, and encourages us to fall down on our faces before a holy and just God. Fall down so that God can lift you up.

He is our hope. No matter what we are wrestling with, whether it is a physical obstacle or our own feelings, we can remember that those circumstances and those feelings are temporary and fleeting. The hope we have in God is everlasting. 

One of my mom's favorite Bible verses was Jeremiah 29:11.

Taken from Dailyverses.net

He's got this. 
 

My perfectionist husband created this picture

  



 

Bringing you up to speed

In February 2016 I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis. If you are unfamiliar with endo, it is a chronic condition currently without a cure, where tissue that is similar to the lining of the uterus shows up in other places in the body. In my case it was all over my abdominal organs (bladder, bowel, intestines, etc.) causing severe pain and causing my organs to stick together. I also had an endometrioma (also called a chocolate cyst) that had ruptured on one of my ovaries. 
 

I would describe the pain I felt as barbwire wrapped around inside me, so when I saw this picture, it was the perfect illustration. Photo Credit: Center for Endo

1 in 10 women have endometriosis making it extremely common, even though it is highly misunderstood. It is difficult to diagnose because you must have surgery to know for sure if endo is present. It is often dismissed as other conditions. It often runs in families and I am convinced my mom had it, but never knew it.  One reason we don't talk about it is because it is a "woman problem." Some of you may be getting squeamish already, but the more we talk about it, the more women will recognize it and get the help they need. The average amount of time it takes from the onset of symptoms to receiving a diagnosis is 6-10 years. It took 16 years for me. I began having symptoms when I was a freshman in college. I would lay on the floor in the shared bathroom of our dorm, close to the toilet so I could throw up from the pain.
 

My daughter made this picture for me to take to Atlanta for my excision surgery in August 2016

I'm not sure if my doctor suspected endo when I was 18, but I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts and put on birth control pills. The BC pills controlled the pain but over time endometriosis was still building up inside me. There are a lot of myths regarding endometriosis. Here are some I've heard from well meaning friends and also from doctors: you waited too long to try to get pregnant, you should get pregnant and it will go away, you will have to have a hysterectomy, you will never be able to have children, it was caused by some repressed emotional trauma, it's just "normal" PMS, you need to go back on birth control pills, you will definitely lose at least one of your ovaries. I've also been sent from one doctor to the next because they didn't know what to do with me. Multiple doctors told me, "You definitely have to have surgery, but I don't feel comfortable doing it." 
 

Taken in February 2016 before my first surgery.

My first surgery was in February 2016 in Clarksville, TN. I was assured that my surgeon was well experienced to be able to remove my endo through laparoscopic surgery. She was planning to use a laser technique that basically burns off the endo lesions. Fortunately, she did not attempt to do this. She looked inside me and decided there was too much endo for her to safely remove. I was upset at the time but am very grateful that she did not cause any further injury by trying to remove anything. If you have or suspect that you have endometriosis, find a doctor who is an expert in this disease. Your regular OBGyn is most likely NOT an expert. Laser ablation burns the endometriosis but since it is not able to completely remove all of the disease, it tends to come back in one or two years. Women continue to have multiple surgeries throughout their lifetime. After my surgery I was told that there is not a surgeon who exists who would be able to remove the amount of endo I had.  

Thank goodness I did a little digging on the internet (yep, the internet gave me better advice than my doctor) and I found The Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta, GA. The Center for Endo uses a laser to excise or completely cut out the endometriosis lesions. There is a 10-20% chance the endo will return, versus a 70-80% chance with the laser ablation I spoke of above. I sent in my medical records and received a phone call from the medical director himself who would be doing my surgery. He walked me though all of the procedures they would do and told me he was very confident he would be able to remove all of my endo. I got off the phone in tears. 
 

Recovering from surgery in August 2016

I've been given a 12 week recovery time, which feels SO LONG! However, I am very hopeful, grateful, and thankful to be so blessed. During this time I've been reading 1 Peter over and over again. If you are suffering in any kind of trial, this book is full of encouragement. 

1 Peter 1:6-7 says, "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

If you have stumbled upon this blog and have been diagnosed with endometriosis, think you might have endo, or know someone who does, here are some resources that might be helpful: 

The Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta, GA. The website has invaluable information all about endo. They will do a free medical records review to see if they believe they can treat you. If your doctor is saying you must have a hysterectomy, you'll never have children, or to live with your pain, please get a second opinion, and a third if needed! There is hope!

Endo What? is a documentary full of helpful information on what is normal and what is not. What is a myth and what is the truth.

Endo Resolved is a blog with info on surgeons, diet, treatments, symptoms, etc. One of the most helpful resources I found here was a detailed post on what to expect before, during, and after laparoscopic surgery.

Finally, another blog about endo that includes a thorough list of of items that might be helpful if you are traveling for surgery. You can also sponsor a surgery, or purchase Ruby, the Endo Roo.

My dad, Jim Jackson, and husband, Luke Baine who took care of me during my surgery and recovery in Atlanta.

It can feel very discouraging when you don't feel well and are unsure about the outcome. Will you ever feel better? Are you being a wimp and need to suck it up? Are you letting everyone down? How do you rely on God's strength on days you can't even get out of bed? Will you ever be able to enjoy the things you used to do?? 

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:6-11

It's interesting that Peter mentions our enemy, the devil, when he is speaking of suffering. He says that the devil is looking for someone to devour. The questions I asked above could easily devour me if I keep my focus on them instead of on God who, "will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." Praise God!