"Therefore, since we are
surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off
everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us
run with perseverance the race marked out for us,fixing
our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set
before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the
right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
Springtime in Middle Tennessee is exactly what it should be: warm afternoons and cool evenings. The first signs of spring here are the cherry blossoms and red buds. The purple pops of color are a welcome arrival and are a sign of new life and new beginnings peeking out from the branches of winter. Along with the beauty of trees blossoming, comes a whole lot of rain! When you are running in the rain, you can't look very far ahead. If you look up, you are pelted with rain drops in your face and depending on how hard it is raining, you can't see too much ahead of you. You have to focus on the road right in front of you. Last week I was determined to get a run in one morning even though it was raining. It was just a drizzle, but it was cold and kind of miserable. I'm glad I got out and completed my run, but as I was running I couldn't think of much else besides the rain running down my face, that I felt cold, and I was ready to just be finished. I was in survival mode.
Dreary, rainy run
A few days later I ran the same route on the most gorgeous day with perfectly blue skies and flowers that seemed to be actually popping up as I was running by. I didn't have to look straight down at the road, but lifted my head and looked up at all of the beauty around me.
Red buds under a blue sky
In life, we sometimes need to lift up our eyes and see the beauty around us. It's impossible to do when we are in survival mode. When the rain is falling all around us, we can't see through it, we can't lift our faces against it. We feel hopeless. Mercifully, God brings us out of survival mode so that we can catch a glimpse of the bigger picture. It might be for a moment or it might be longer, but that's when the clouds clear out and new life begins to bloom around us. That's where hope lives.
We hear a common phrase when someone finds out that my husband and I are foster parents:
"I could never do that."
On the first day of training to become a foster parent, they ask you why you want to do it. This is not an easy question for me to answer. I will tell you that I do not want to be a foster parent. I'm doing it for one simple reason, God told me to do it.
You might think that foster parenting is difficult, and you would be right. You might think it will disrupt your life, add a lot of stress, and force you to be around people you would rather avoid. You might think you'll love the kids too much and want to body slam the adults who put them in this mess, you also might worry that you won't love them enough, that they will push you away, scream at you, and it will be hard to show them the love they desperately need. All of the things you think would be difficult are resoundingly correct. It's hard. You also might think you don't have the qualifications that are needed, your life is too hectic right now, or maybe it's calm and you want to keep it that way! You think you could never do it.
Maybe you're right.
Here are the qualifications I have to be a foster parent:
I'm a living, breathing human being.
I love Jesus.
That's it.
I can't do it either, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm not special. There is nothing about me that makes me believe I am capable and lots of things about me that make me believe I'm going to mess up. I don't even have the desire to do this. My willingness to do foster care comes from my willingness to follow Christ. Luke recently started saying that we have not been called to "foster success" but to "foster care". We aren't responsible for the success of these children. We can't save them, change them, or make them into something they are not. That is God's responsibility, not ours. We can't do it. We were called to say "yes" and God, in his mercy, has held us, supported us, loved us, strengthened us, and taught us that it is all about him.
God promises us that we can rely on his strength. I've been wondering exactly how this works. How do I tap into that superhuman God-strength and do the things he has asked me to do?
Here's what I know:
1) Sometimes it feels like I can't do it and that's ok. I don't need to feel guilty about how I feel.
"it" might be foster care, my job, going for a run, helping out a friend, being patient when something irritates me, or even just making dinner.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Since Paul delighted in his weakness, we can be comforted that there isn't anything wrong with being weak. In fact, if we follow Paul's example, we should actually boast about our weaknesses! Paul asked for God to remove the thorn in his flesh, but not only does God seem ok with keeping us in our weakness, he also plans to use us there.
2) God will use me when I am tired and weak.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.Isaiah 40:29-31
There are more ways than I could list that God has shown his power and work in my life. When I think about these moments, there isn't one time that I felt strong, capable, or that everything was going wonderfully. Each of these moments consisted of hardship, brokenness, and difficulty. I desperately needed God to be there, and he showed up in amazing and mighty ways.
3) Whatever it is I don't feel like doing, do it anyway.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-17
Our foster daughter lived with us for about a year and a half and has now moved on to her next home. There were so many moments that God fought for us and I want to share one of them with you.
Around Easter last year we went to the Good Friday service at our church. It had been a rough week and Luke and I were looking forward to taking the time to remember what Christ has done for us and spend time in worship with our church family. Just before we left for church, an incident came up with our daughter that we had to deal with. It put a damper on the evening but we moved past it and went to church. When we got back to our house that evening, our daughter was still upset about what had happened and began yelling and arguing with us. At one point she told us that she had never known anyone that made her life worse than we made it. That felt really good. *sarcasm*
We did our best to remain calm and let her storm off to her room. I checked my phone and saw a text from a friend that said she and her family had "egged" our house. This was a little confusing, but it was Easter after all, and I figured there was more to the story, so I went outside and found this on my door:
Luke asked if we should go get our daughter and have her come search for Easter eggs with us. My response was, "of course not, are you crazy??" Thankfully, he decided to go and knock on her door anyway. She flung open the door and threw herself into his arms crying. I went over and put my arms around them both. She said she was sorry and we talked a little more, and then we went outside and hunted Easter eggs! She had a blast and it brought our family closer together. My friend couldn't have possibly known how God was working through her by hiding some eggs in our yard that evening.
One more thing I want to share. When our daughter came to live with us she had a laundry basket full of clothes, a drawing set, and a small bag. Here are all of her things ready to move out:
The majority of these items are from friends and family who have loved and accepted our daughter as a part of our family and as you can see, have spoiled her a bit! Luke and I are so thankful and blessed for everyone who has supported, listened, and encouraged us through this first placement. We are going to take a short break, but plan to jump back in again. Not because we think we can do it, but because we have seen God hold us up and get us through it. As long as he continues to ask, we will continue to say yes.
My update with running is that right now I feel like I will never be able to run a marathon. I've felt nauseous every morning for about 4 or 5 weeks straight. It's pretty miserable. Dramamine is helping, but some days it doesn't cut it. The results from the GI doctor came back normal, which ruled out anything GI related. He said it is most likely related to the endometriosis and has to do with my hormones. Next step is to go back to my doctor in Atlanta and see what he recommends.
Running at Dunbar and stopping to give Cody a pat:
I don't feel like doing much of anything when I feel nauseous, much less go for a run. I've realized though that I just have to get out there and do it. God put a desire in me to run. He is constantly teaching me lessons through running. The one that speaks the most clearly to me right now is that it doesn't really matter how I feel, sometimes I just have to get out there and do it anyway. No, it doesn't feel great and yes, I've thrown up on the side of the road, but those moments when I run a little farther or a little faster than I did before and when I have accomplished something that I wasn't really sure I could do, that's when my faith is strengthened, when I know God won't let me fail. I'll have difficult days, but if I just get out there and do the thing, God will show me things I never thought were possible.
Has God placed something on your heart or put something in your life that you feel is too much for you? Can I encourage you that it's ok to feel like you can't do it? Take that weakness and let it be a testimony to the unavoidable need we have to depend upon God's strength. Then be willing to move forward and do what he has asked you to do. All he needs is our obedience. He will do the rest.
To my local running friends and my Atlanta running friends: It's time to sign up for the big races of the year! Go Commando in Clarksville, TN and The Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta.
If you aren't a runner, sign up to volunteer. There is nothing like cheering on runners and getting caught up in the excitement of race day!
Go Commando is a Half Marathon and 5K on October 21, 2017. There is also a shadow run where soldiers in Afghanistan will run a course at the same time as the one in Clarksville. Sign up now for the best prices!
The Peachtree Road Race is a 10K held on July 4, 2017 with 60,000 runners through downtown Atlanta. The lottery to enter is held March 15th-22nd. Don't forget to sign up!
My personal running journey is going very slowly right now. I have signed up for The Girls on the Run 5K, May 6, 2017 in Nashville. I'm confident I will get to the point where I can run 3.1 miles (hopefully by May), but right now it is a struggle to run. Since my body seems to want to take it slow, I'm allowing some space and time to walk, sit, and take in everything around me. I don't mind pushing myself, but right now I'm trying to listen to my body and let it tell me what it needs. On that note, let me tell you a little more about myself...
I have a quiet, reserved personality. I don't react quickly. I
enjoy being alone.
Clarksville Greenway
I haven't always been this way. When I
was a child I would make friends at the grocery store and convince them
to come walk around with me. My mom would have to return children back
to their parents. My mom always told me that I sang before I learned to talk. My first
words were singing, "Jesus Loves Me." Once I started singing, I didn't
stop. I wanted my life to be a musical
where it could be perfectly natural to break into song at any given point. My brothers gave me the nickname "walkie, talkie" and we had a rule at our house of, "no singing at the dinner table." I was the only one who had trouble following this rule.
Dunbar Cave
Somewhere
along my childhood I became an introvert. I didn't even realize this
about myself until a friend in high school pointed out that I was a
quiet person. I was completely offended and decided I would make an
effort to be more outgoing. I viewed quiet as weakness. I encountered
others who did as well. Usually these were complete strangers who took
me off guard in actually commenting on how quiet I was. "Watch out for this one, she's quiet.", "You really don't say much, do you?", "Why are you so quiet?" Let me just stop
here for a moment and point out how insulting it would be to walk up to a complete stranger and say the reverse, "I was sitting here watching you and noticed that you are an incredibly loud person that
never shuts up! Why are you so loud?"
Or maybe
someone would take that as a compliment???
Clarksville Marina
Our
culture admires having something to say. We don't like silence. I've
found myself in a conversation barely listening to the other person
because I'm worried about my turn. Especially in a group: "Everyone has
said something. You haven't said anything. Think of something to say!"
Why am I worried about talking when I don't have something to say?
Rotary Park
Fortunately,
I've learned to embrace my quiet. I don't have a lot to say, but when I
do say something I've usually given it some thought. I'm better at
listening than talking and that helps me observe the world around me.
This is helpful as a Behavior Analyst. It's also a blessing to be slow
to react. It takes a lot to work me up or bother me. I have infinite
amounts of patience for everyone...except my husband. Sorry Luke!
I came across the Quiet Revolution after reading a book by Susan Cain
called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop
Talking. This book is an excellent explanation of introversion and
focuses on the strengths of this personality type. It was encouraging
for me to read about the experiences many introverts face such as going
out of our way to avoid social situations that terrify us (speaking in
groups, making small talk, entering a room full of strangers).
Kirkwood
Running
fits in nicely with being an introvert. I love being out on the road or
trail, alone with my thoughts. I think things over, plan things out,
reflect, listen, and sometimes try not to think about anything at all.
Clarksville Marina
It's not easy to carve out time to slow down and listen to what is going on around us. I've been convinced lately that God wants me to intentionally listen quietly to Him. I want to hear what he has to say to me, not just from his Word, because I do believe he speaks to us that way, but also in a still, small voice that comes from sitting and reflecting. Many times what I hear from God in these moments are things that he has been telling me for days, weeks, or even months and I've been pushing his words aside or trying to avoid them. When I take the time to truly stop and listen, I can't ignore what he has to say any longer.
Liberty Park
A quiet moment of reflection could happen anywhere, but the pictures I've included here are my favorite places in Clarksville to sit for a moment. Take a nice long walk or run and spend time speaking to God, then stop, be still, and listen.
I've always had the desire to be around people who are different from
me. I grew up in Clarkston, Georgia, a small suburb just east of Atlanta that is known as the most
diverse square mile in America. The community has had a large refugee
population since the early 1980's and consists of a variety of different ethnic groups. Growing up as a minority gave me a
perspective I will always be grateful for. I love to learn about other cultures and participate in the unique
traditions and stories others have to share.
8th grade fun in Clarkston, GA
There is a lot going on right now involving immigrants and how they are viewed and treated in our country. When something is being threatened, it can shine a light on what is important and what we stand for. What I want to stand for is loving my neighbor. My neighbor doesn't just live next door, they live in another city, another state, and even in another country.
Georgia Welcome Center
When we first moved to Tennessee, I looked around and did not see a lot of diversity where I lived, worked, and went to church. At least, that's what I thought...
I've come to realize there are many ways to look at culture and diversity. We live in a military town where we are surrounded by Army culture. We live in a small town where we are surrounded by Southern culture. We've met a lot of people who home-school their children, which is a culture of its own. There are several homeless ministries in our community, with people who lead a different kind of lifestyle from mine. We may not have the kind of diversity you would find in a big city, but if I look around and step outside my comfortable circle, there are people of races, ethnicity, values, religions, and cultures that are different from my own.
We have each been called to "go" somewhere and spread the word of Christ. For some, that means to go abroad as missionaries, but most of us are called to "go" into our own community where we already live. Our neighbors, co-workers, and friends are in as much need of the good news of Christ as anyone else in the world.
My mission field is right next door where my sweet older neighbors long to have us come over and chat with them. It is at my job where a mom is in tears as she struggles to deal with her child with special needs, give her other children the attention they need, and keep their family functioning while dad is deployed. It's at my church where marriages are struggling, people are dealing with grief and loss, and someone just wants to find a friend. It's in my own home where our foster daughter longs to be loved, but fights against us.
That's why I love this song, Go Where you Send Me, by my sweet friend and local singer/songwriter, Lydia Walker Athey. The most powerful words in the song, to me, are "I will stay if you say so." I don't think it's always easy to stay. Especially when things get too complacent or perhaps too difficult and we want to move on. Things look better somewhere new, where we can start over. Perhaps we forget to look around for the opportunities right here where we are, where God can use us to fulfill his purpose.
I thought this was funny and very true
Sometimes I want to leave, but I've been called to stay. Where I am is not where I thought I would be. I never thought I would live in Tennessee or in such a small town. I thought I would live in a place where I would be surrounded by more diversity and rich culture, where I could make friends with people who weren't exactly like me, where I would be surrounded by mountains and beautiful vistas.
I'm starting to see that diversity is about more than just skin color, everyone has a different culture of their own, my friends have experiences and viewpoints that differ greatly from mine, and even in Middle Tennessee I am surrounded by nature's beauty:
Dunbar Cave Park
Clarksville Greenway
I'm using this post as a catalyst to brainstorm, research, and compile a list of how I can serve my local community, my country, and throughout the world. Below is what I've found so far. Please share other ministries that inspire you!
Middle TN: The Well: A ministry for the homeless and working poor. Hope Pregnancy Center: Provides services for women and couples facing unexpected pregnancy. Manna Cafe: Serves people in need by providing food and resources. Buddy Ball: Special needs athletic leagues. Retrieving Independence: Provides service dogs for individuals with disabilities. Allows prison inmates to provide initial training to dogs. Autism Tennessee: Advocates and educates the community through orientations and workshops.
National: Girls on the Run: Inspiring young girls to be joyful, healthy, and confident. Embrace: Guides refugee mothers throughout pregnancy and birth in Clarkston, GA. Friends of Refugees: Provides tutoring, job training, community garden, and more to refugees in Clarkston, GA. Make A Wish: Grants a wish for children with life threatening medical conditions. Mira Foundation: Provides guide dogs to individuals with disabilities for free. Youth Villages: Helps children and families successfully navigate foster care.
Global: Care of Creation: Mobilizes the church to care for the world. Supports missionaries throughout the world. Africa Inland Mission: Supports missionaries in Africa. Go Be Love International: Sends teams on mission trips throughout the world. Compassion International: Sponsor children living in poverty throughout the world.
Ukraine Missions: Missionary Bill Wharton leads mission trips to
areas in Ukraine and Russia, provides support to widows, school
children, and those who are in need.
Contact by phone: 352-372-9202 or email: wlwmail@yahoo.com.
I am pumped to share with you an organization I just discovered called Girls on the Run.
I am planning to sign up for their spring 5K which will happen in Nashville on Saturday, May 6th. I am very excited to have a race to look forward to and motivate me! I am also considering signing up to be a Running Buddy where they will pair you up with a girl in the program who you will pace and encourage as they complete the race. The 5K is a celebration for the young girls in the program who have been participating in lessons that encourage positive emotional, social, mental and physical development. They integrate physical activity in their lessons, complete services projects together, and have fun learning to have confidence in who they are and all of the things they are capable of doing. Want to join me?? You can register HERE. Here are some pics from my walk (with a tiny bit of running) today with Cody:
I didn't realize we were both making our serious face in the first pic. He's a pro. Also, I have some good news along with a prayer request. Thanks to an online support group, someone shared a similar issue with dealing with endometriosis and feeling nauseous everyday. She suggested that I try Dramamine. I was worried that it would make me sleepy, but I've been taking it every morning for almost a week and it completely stops the nausea without causing drowsiness! Hallelujah!! I finally feel like I can function again, which is essential because my business is exploding! I have some exciting opportunities happening right now including a part time job with Lipscomb University, hiring new therapists, and adding new clients. Autism Therapy and Training is moving along!
Prayers would be so welcome as I hope my body continues to hold up with all of the excitement happening with my job. Specifically, if you would pray for me next Thursday, I have a doctor's appointment to check out a few things with my stomach and gallbladder to see if we can discover what is causing the nausea. They are doing an outpatient procedure. I am torn between hoping they find something so we will know what is going on and really hoping they don't find anything if it is something serious or will cause more problems.
No matter what happens, I am reminded that I am only a jar of clay. It will always and only be God's power working through me to accomplish anything in this life.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Last week we took a trip to visit my family in South Georgia. Luke and
Ryan participated in the Honey Bee Stinger 100K Gravel Grinder in
Hahira, GA.
This was a small, unsupported bike ride on mostly unpaved roads. Here is the link to their Facebook page.
I served as the support crew for my guys and drove all around the beautiful countryside. I also took advantage by going for a run through a park and then doing a little shopping at some cute shops in the small downtown.
Country Roads
I think he's done!
My job as the support crew was to drive
around and meet them at a few stops to make sure they had plenty of water
and food, and to give moral support. This was especially important at
mile 40 when Ryan threatened to throw his bike in a ditch!
They stuck with it for all 67 miles. I brought a good book to read while I waited for them.
Ready to go again.
It was beautiful countryside.
Red Dirt Roads and Pine Trees
Home stretch
Going for a run while I wait
Hahira is a small town north of Valdosta in South GA. They have a Honey Bee Festival every fall with art, food, and a 5K race. Here is a link to their festival page.
As far as my running routine goes, I am making progress but it is still slow. I'm attempting to run a mile a few times a week. I'm not increasing mileage or speed as quickly as I would like. There is a long road ahead of me in running, in my job, and in life. This morning, however, I was very encouraged by the sermon at The Bridge church. Chad Rowland spoke from Genesis 32 about Jacob wrestling with God and the injury he encountered when God touched and basically dislocated Jacob's hip.
Two of his main points spoke so clearly to me:
Sometimes the sign of God's favor is a scar.
and
It is better to limp in freedom than run in fear.
I have scars that I have perceived as holding me back. I have physical scars from my surgeries and emotional scars from life experiences. Right now we are struggling in our foster care journey. It has been a battle where we have clearly seen God fighting for us, but we won't escape without scars. It makes sense to be fearful of physical and emotional scars. We often run in fear because we believe the things God has called us to are too much. It's too hard. We don't have the time, the energy, the strength. We might get hurt.
However, if my scars are a sign that I have wrestled with God, that I've held on until he's given me a blessing, I absolutely want that. We can wrestle with God by walking in obedience with Him, experiencing
the scars that may come with it, and having peace in the freedom offered
by remaining in his grasp.
I have plenty of goals aimed at becoming healthier:
I want to eat better and exercise more.
I want to cut out highly processed foods and eat only "real" food.
I want to run a marathon.
I want to become stronger and more flexible.
I don't want to feel like I'm going to die when I do certain workout videos.
I want to be able to do even one push-up.
I want to run a mile in 7 minutes.
That's a pretty long list, so where do I start?
Poster at Results Physiotherapy
I propose a new way of thinking about making a BIG change stick.
Break that BIG change up into many SMALL changes and conquer each step,
one at a time.
One BIG change through many SMALL steps.
What does that look like?
For my goal of cutting out highly processed foods, it meant choosing one action to take. Just one.
It is overwhelming at the starting line of a new routine. It's tempting to try to do it all at once. Just throw all the "bad"
food away and only eat the "good" food. This is easier said than done. I had a hard time figuring out what in the world I was going to eat!
To begin, I simply bought more fruits and vegetables. I didn't worry
about the processed food I was already eating, but bought, cooked, and
ate lots of veggies. The main way this was achieved was by joining a
local CSA. Luke and I picked up a box a organic produce from a local farm each
week. Often it contained vegetables I had never eaten or even heard of
including all different kinds of squash like acorn, delicata and
butternut, and lots of different greens like swiss chard, bok choy, and
kale. Here's a link to the CSA in case you live in Middle Tennessee and want to join.
Eating lots of veggies is a good start, but I was still eating a lot of food that is highly processed.
That meant I needed to take one more small step.
I began taking one food out of my cabinet and either stopped buying it completely, or found a replacement that was less processed. For example, I stopped buying cream of chicken soup and learned to make it from scratch. It's also cheaper.
I didn't add the next step until I felt comfortable with the last one and little by little I've changed my diet to eat less highly processed foods and more simple, real food. Lisa Leake's blog at 100 days of real food was very helpful in defining real food and why I should eat it.
Adding one small step at a time applies to my goals for exercise as well. I created a segment on Strava called the "Kimbrough Mile" to keep track of how fast I can run a mile. At this point I'm running as much as I can, but 1/2 mile has been my starting place and I'm adding a little bit more each day.
Especially after surgery the concept of one small step at a time has been important for me. My body needs me to take it easy and my desire to do more can cause me to push myself a little farther than I should. I have been feeling a TON better after my surgery. The biggest improvement has been a huge decrease in pain. Unfortunately, the nausea continues. Most days I wake up and feel incredibly nauseous. I don't usually throw up, only when it is very bad. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to throw up any moment and I stick close to home, other times I know I won't throw up, but I just feel queasy. I'm still going for a run and if I have to stop and throw up, so be it.
Luke actually took a picture of this pit stop on a run at the Greenway!
Luke and I also went on a bike ride together, which was a blast despite the fact that I ended up in a lot of pain. I think being hunched over irritated my abdomen, so I may have to take it easy on the bike riding. After our ride we headed over to Dunbar Cave and tried out our new trail running shoes. Running through the woods just might be my favorite thing ever. I think Cody loves it too, which made me wonder, has Cody developed a personality more like Luke and I the longer he has lived with us? All three of us are happy running (or biking: Luke) around outside and then crashing on the couch with a blanket and some yummy food. Luke says it's just that he and I have a personality like a dog. I think I'm ok with that! ;)
Dunbar Cave trail run with Cody
Time for a nap!
What is one SMALL step you could begin to take each day towards a goal you have? Maybe you could begin to do a plank every day. Give yourself permission to only add that one thing. That's it. Eventually, it will become part of your routine and you can add something else. It might take a little longer to get started, but you will be less likely to give up after a couple of months because you're overwhelmed. That kind of change will last because you've created a lifestyle. Let me know in the comments what your first small step will be.
